Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Welcome to the first edition of the Heather Cherry Comedy Roast

Welcome to the Heather Cherry Comedy Roast of... ROAST!


Look at you, roast, there in the oven. All... roasty and stuff. Just lying there, stewing in your own juices like some sort of disgusting creep. Covered in foil like some sixth-grader's science project. Keeping company with carrots and onions and potatoes. You should be hanging out with steaks and baby back ribs and cheeseburgers and stuff. Weirdo.

And you know what? Having said your name over and over now, it sounds and looks weird.

Roast.

Roast.

It's a weird word. Just look at it.

Roast.

Ugh. Gross.

And what? You couldn't come up with a better name for yourself? "Roast." It's like calling yourself "Grilled" or "Fried." Actually, that's assuming your name is Roast-ED. So really it's like calling yourself "Grill" or "Fry." Fries, heh.

Hey French Fries, what's YOUR deal?..........................

9 comments:

Winky Twinky said...

Oh great...now I'm hungry -- off to lunch!

foxy said...

LOVE IT! keep 'em coming...

obladi oblada said...

That was very clever. I happen to LIKE roast, especially the next day when you make it into BBQ beef sammiches. We had it the other night in fact, and I must admit, I actually did ponder on the simple and rather boring name of "roast". So, I hear ya sista....

Eric said...

Oh, can we all have a go?

*up to podium in hall filled with roasters*

Roast, I have a beef with you... you're just about the only beef that doesn't allow folks to specify doneness.

And speaking of doneness, you take *forever* to cook, and usually you come out of my oven stringy on top, like jerky that didn't quite make the cut. Not even good enough for jerky... jerk.

And don't even get me started on how bland you can be.

Shawn said...

Roast, you really are the black sheep of the meat family. Well, actually I guess roasted sheep would be the black sheep of the family, oh, but you're a close second.

Leeuna said...

Yum. I'll have some of that. And make it to go. With a side order of buttered rolls and a diet cola. Oh and could you give me a list of available desserts? Got pie?

Heather Cherry said...

W/T: Sorry! :)

Foxy: Thanks! Working on another...

O/O: Mmm... sammiches...

Eric: LOLOLOL! Excellent!

Shawn: You tell him! Give him the old what-for.

Leeuna: Sorry, we're all out of pie. Would you like a brownie?

Nan-Nan said...

You gotta admit,Heather, I make the best roast you EVER ate. I mean MY roast is so good it would make you slap Shawn's grandma! It's so good it's make Eric stove stand up and dance.

Heather Cherry said...

It is all true, people.