Smells like freedom... and burning plastic.

Jake filmed the destruction and posted it on his YT page.


(sorry if you see this more than once in your reading list... was trying to remember how to size the video down)

Um... anybody still out there?

I know, right???

I have not made a peep on this blog in LITERALLY millions of years (my definition of "pet peeve": using the word “literally” completely wrong).

So since you are dying to know, and by “dying to know”, I mean “couldn't care less”, I will update you on my stellar life…

My niece, Piper, is still the awesomest thing since unsliced bread. She’s now a year-and-a-half and the new things she does every time I see her are just amazing. And hilarious. She is so awesome, it is just beyond.

Behold the cuteness.

My nickname is “Aunt Tootle”, so she calls me “T” and that just simply rules. Also, she is turning out to be SO much like her Aunt T, and of course you know I just heart that. For one thing, she laughs really hard and really loud, with a bit of a scream-y edge at times, which only serves to make me go like this: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! And then I go “neener-neener-neener” to my brother because he always gets mad when I laugh too loud and wake the baby, and now I get to say, you better get used to it, buddy!

Second, I took the Pipe shopping with me and when I was ready to pay for my purchases at Sephora, she grabbed my credit card from me and handed it over to the cashier as if she’d been doing it all her life. Oh, the pride that swelled within me. On a related note, she’s also resembles a much younger but equally cute me in that she already has a killer fashion sense. She almost shattered the Richter scale of cute when she recently wore tiny baby boyfriend jeans complete with dark wash and fat cuffs and a long cardigan thrown over it. ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

Wearing the ultra-hip owl jammies I got her for Christmas.

Modeling for her one-year photo shoot.

And she’s almost as crazy about animals as yours truly…

Exhibit A: The “chore” that she’s taken upon herself to do at home is letting the dog out of her crate. She goes straight into Annabelle’s room and opens the latch on the crate (by herself usually) and then it is all business as she leads the little foofy Yorkie-Poo to the back door and commands her to “pee-pee!” And she FREAKS OUT if you try and do her “chore” for her.

Exhibit B: She’s also bonkers about my pit bulls. She yells to them incessantly, “Puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup-pyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!” 43 times in a row if they are not perched right next to her. She yells this as she beckons with a come-hither hand signal and then pats the spot next to her. She has taken to leaning in for a kiss right on their moufs and going, “Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmwah!” as she puckers. Then giggles like a school girl when they kiss her back. Also, she doesn’t mind when they try and eat her, as pit bulls are wont to do with small children.

Fear me.

Exhibit 12: She loves the zoo. On a recent day off work, Christy, Piper, and I went to the OKC Zoo mainly so that Christy and I could torture ourselves after watching The Cove. If you haven’t seen it, it will shatter you. Anyway, we had a great time despite our guilt over oppressed dolphins. Piper kept yelling to the buffaloes, “Puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup-pyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!” I mean, it was pretty cute when she called the wolves “puppies”, but come on… gigantic buffalo puppies, Piper? Now that’s just getting a little ridiculous. Despite being in a zoo around lions and tigers and bears (I will not say “Oh, my!”), her favorite animal was always the “duckies”. I taught her what the goat says, which wasn’t difficult because they were “maaaaaaaaaah”-ing away locked behind the fence in their pen. I was pissed because the petting zoo was closed that day and we couldn’t even go in there and play with them. Besides, I really wanted to interview one of them and ask why their eyes are so creepy. Like Satan. Christy and I were gonna teach The Doodle what a giraffe says, but then we decided we don’t know what a giraffe says, so instead we taught her what the goose says. We saw some puppies (AKA foxes) going nigh-nigh (AKA sleeping) on a big rock in the sunshine, then listened to an old man regale his wife with fascinating trivia about the little critters he referred to as “MeerRATS”, and later we caught a glimpse of the rare Great North American Domestic Housecat as he stealthily stalked a trashcan. The trashcans got spooked and started a stampede and it all got a pretty crazy and I think I blacked out for a little bit shortly after yelling to my sister and her daughter, “SAAAAAAAVE YOURSEEEEEEELVES!!!!!” But the best moment of the day by far occurred in the ape house. There was a scholarly-looking nerdy dude sitting by the exhibit window sketching a gorilla. We sat down the way a bit right next to two other gorillas, one of which was pressed up against the glass as if he was leaning on Piper for support. We were pointing out the “monkeys”, naming them thusly for simplicity’s sake, and we were having a rousing game of “What does the monkey say?” when the artist guy, who was clearly on holiday from his home country Pretentioustan, dryly remarks, “AK-tually, these are apes.” *facepalm* I think Christy and I rolled our eyes so hard and so high up into our brains that we actually had a collective stroke. I think even Piper was heard to mutter, “OMG, what a buttmunch.” I’m pretty sure I heard her say that.

In other news… I’m going to be an aunt again!!! Christy is 6 months along and due late April. Just as Piper was nicknamed “Tater” before her gender and real name were revealed at birth, we have nicknamed the new baby “Beanie” because of that one time when Christy told us she was the size of a bean. Which leads me to the next thing… she... is a SHE!!! Just as they have with all other things baby, Christy and Jake announced this bit of info in surprise fashion. When they found out they were expecting Piper, they showed up to my parents’ house and took off their jackets to reveal these shirts they had made:


Then at my 31st birthday dinner this last September, their gift to me was the tee-ninesiest little onesie that said, “I heart Aunt Tootle.” My reaction? “This is so cute! But…………. it won’t fit Piper………?” To which Christy replied with a knowing look, “That’s because it’s for a newborn.” It took literally a bunch of seconds before it finally dawned on my dad, mom, and me what that meant. Best birthday present ever, though! Even if I was a little slow on the take.

And so, on par with the aforementioned shenanigans, my dad opened a package on Christmas morning labeled “From: Beanie”, which contained a DVD. Jake and Christy said it was the ultrasound they’d just had done. We were so excited, even though we knew that they had planned to wait for the birth of the baby to find out the sex, just as they’d done with Piper. We popped it in to watch and after several minutes of cooing over the grainy moving images, the song “Sisters” from White Christmas suddenly started playing. Thing is, we had watched White Christmas the night before, so at first my parents and I thought something was messed up with the sound and that we were hearing the other movie somehow. Which made zero sense because that DVD was no longer in the player, mostly due to the fact that the ultrasound DVD was. We are not rocket surgeons as you’ve surely surmised. And yet again, it was forever and a day until we finally figured out they were trying to tell us something. And that that something was that Piper would be having a little sister. We didn’t even notice at first that the labels came up on the screen pointing out the “girl parts” as the scan caught the, uh, business shot. Can’t get anything past us, no sir. We’re about as sharp as a feather bed upholstered in velvet floating on a sea of bubbles. As is typical, the response was in this order: me screaming and laughing, Mom bawling her eyes out, and Dad just sitting there with the proudest grin on his face.

My children, Snuggles and Clover, are still the cutest and funniest inventions since breadboxes were invented in order to store sliced bread. They are just complete dorkwad nutcases and they make me laugh everyday. I bought them backpacks to burn off some of their energy on our walks. I’m excited about that. Plus, they can carry all my crap. Like bottles of water. Poo bags. Trail mix. Mace. Trolls. A first aid kit. Emergency flares. My Smith and Wesson. Red lipstick. And spaghetti. It’s pretty handy.

Yes. Those are trap door jammies.

So……………………………… my parents moved in with me. They say it’s because they’re building their dream house and need a place to stay since their other house already sold, but really I just think it’s a classic case of “failure to launch”. It’s a pretty funny dynamic. Usually it’s a kid moving back in with his hapless parents and things quickly go south. Like when I moved back into my parents’ house in Oklahoma after having lived in Indiana for three years, one of which was spent solo in an apartment, only to find that the parentals were ready to reinstate the 8:00 o’clock curfew I hadn’t had since I was a toddler. During that first summer back home, I spent a lot of time of an evening at a coffee house located in an artsy, granola-type part of town. I would chill with my homies in the outdoor café area until the wee hours, just taking in the sounds of poetry slams, the wafting scent of patchouli, the snatches of conversations between self-righteous atheists, the wafting scent of clove cigarettes, the bitter taste of herbal tea that’s supposed to taste good but really it just tastes like freshly-mowed ragweed, the wafting scent of what I like to call “The Reefer”, and the mournful strains of an acoustic guitar behind an open mic. My Dad didn’t like this one bit. He would chide me, insisting, “Didn’t you know that’s where all the Vietnamese gangs hang out, Heather?” Dad likes to remind me that he grew up in Oklahoma City and knows everything about it, including, apparently, the fact that art snobs and Asian gangstas like to kick it together. I tried to tell him that all I had to be afraid of was dirty hippies. The worst they could do was kidnap me and force me to not shower. The fit really hit the shan the night I was “accidentally” out past 5 AM. Come on… 5 AM is not that late. I mean, actually, it’s early since it’s technically the next morning. So uh, yeah.

But that was then and this is now. And we’re having so much fun. I probably should mention that I sold my house and bought a new one back in April. I moved into an awesome 1938 Cape Cod/Colonial on a historic block and it's like a dream home. I will post pictures soon. My parents have an entire guest suite to themselves since the top two stories have a guest room, bathroom, and TV room. The dogs think they’ve died and gone to heaven what with Nan-Nan and Pa being accessible 24-7. And I have to say, since one of my parents usually beats me home after work, they go ahead and let the dogs out of their room and it’s so nice coming home to butt wiggles at the front door. Mom and Dad are roughing it, though. They’ve had to downgrade from their king-size bed to the queen in my guest room. And since the garage was converted years ago into an office, which has now became my dogs’ room, they are having to get used to the idea of parking Mom’s beloved Mustang and Dad’s F-3000-or-whatever-it-is gigantor monster truck out in the weather. In the driveway! What’s worse is my dad had to rent a storage unit for his Corvette. It must be rough. My heart bleeds for them. In all seriosity, they are model tenants and never complain even though I’m charging them $3,000 per day for rent. What? Baby needs a new pair of shoes. Preferably Louboutins. Speaking of, I get to indulge my love for dressing my mom up like my very own life-sized, middle-aged dolly. I think she doesn’t mind that part either. She’s also declared that she is taking over kitchen duty. And it’s not rare for me to walk out in the yard and find my dad raking the leaves. Word.


Let’s see… what else…

Oh yeah, almost immediately after turning 31, I received an AARP membership card in the mail. Not just once. But TWICE. Really? 31? Oh, and my little brother just turned 30. LOL. Wow, getting older is so weird!

We are so mature.

Other updates…

I am a rapper now. You read that right. I will put the videos up soon.

I am no longer addicted to “Words With Friends”. That ship has sailed.

I have never played “Angry Birds”.

The group I sing with actually got to perform the National Anthem at an NBA game recently. I will post more about that later.

I haven’t read any of your blogs in ages so I’m sorry for that and will try and get caught up soon.

Michael Jackson is still dead.

Snuggles and Clover have been asking to post more on the blog. Thus demonstrating that their mom thinks that just because she enjoys reading dog blogs that everyone else does, too. But how can I tell them no when they are just so darn adorable?

My hair is now a deeper auburn shade of red.

I still hate Nickelback.

And Michael Vick is still a grade-A, 100% certified, genuine douchebag.

What's new with you???

Piper's Diapers

My beautiful sister-in-law Christy and my niece Piper were on the local news the other day for a story about cloth diapering. Check out Christy's blog post with a link to the vid!

I'm an Aunt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know I've been absent all weekend from this here blog but it was for a good reason. My family and I have been at the hospital all weekend awaiting the arrival of Jake and Christy's baby. It's a girl! Her name is Piper Ann and she's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. My sister-in-law is Wonder Woman. And my brother is a stud. We are all exhausted and elated. For more details, read on. Otherwise, here are some pictures of Piper. More to come...

Look. At. Those cheeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's more detail on Piper's story, if you're interested. Christy was due on July 3rd. Well, July 3rd came and went. Christy started having some contractions early on last week but nothing major. They got checked out a couple times but it still wasn't time to have a baby. Finally on Thursday afternoon, July 9th, Christy began having strong contractions. Jake took her to the hospital, where her water broke in triage. At that time she was 100% effaced. She was admitted and we all headed up to the hospital.

We camped out in the waiting room and wait we did. We waited and we waited and we waited. We slept on the floor, just waiting for some news. The nurse would come out periodically and give us updates. Let me explain that Christy was determined to have this baby naturally. No epidural, no c-section. It was very important to her. We were all behind her on that.

The nurse would come out and say, "Okay, she's in the bathtub now." Or "She's dilated at a 6 or 7 now." One time she came out and told us that Jake and Christy were in the room dancing. Precious!

Anyhoo, Christy eventually got stuck at a 9. Things were not progressing. She was exhausted and in a lot of pain. It was decided that in order to avoid a c-section she would get a little Pitocin and a light drip of pain meds. The meds were not for Christy's pain but to give her a chance to rest. She slept for a couple hours and then woke up strenthened and ready to push. In all she was in labor about 27 hours and she pushed for 3 hours. In the end her contractions stopped so she ended up pushing by herself and got that baby out all on her own.

Piper Ann was born at 6:40 p.m. on Friday, July 10th. She weighed 8 pounds even. She was a week late. She had a small collapsed place in each lung and was taken to NICU about an hour after she got to spend some time with Mommy and Daddy. She's been in the NICU all weekend but we're hoping she'll get released from baby jail this afternoon or evening sometime.

She's my new most favoritest thing ever!

Caption This Thursday: Beh-Behs

In honor of Jake and Christy's baby this week (still not here and almost a week past the due date!), here is a beh-beh picture for you to caption.

Aaaaaaaand go!

An Open Letter to the Little Beh-Beh in My Sister-in-Law's Belleh

An Open Letter to the Little Beh-Beh in My Sister-in-Law's Belleh

Dear Little Beh-Beh:

Dooooooooooooooood. Come out already. You were supposed to be out playing with me like, 3 days ago or something. Look, I know it's all comfy in there, squishy and soft and floaty and whatnot but have a little consideration for the rest of us out here in the world. Everyone's waiting, little dude (or dudette). Don't be rude.

Sincerely,

Your Aunt Heather

Tweet, tweet, tweet...

Okay, so I said I wouldn't do it and here I went and did it. I set up a Twitter account. My future niece/nephew (still in the belleh for another few weeks or so) is already tweeting so I set up an account to keep up with his/her shenanigans. Guess I might as well do some "tweets" myself. I really don't get it yet so any of you out there in teh blogosphere that want to share some tips, lemme know! And hey, if you feel like follerin' me, go fer it! I had to pick the annoying username of HeatherCherryS because some jerk already took HeatherCherry! Even Heather_Cherry was taken. UGH! Anyhoo, get to following me and you'll have such explosively stimulating updates as these to look forward to:

@everyone Just picked my nose... dug out a really good one.

@everyone Stuck in traffic. It's boring. Almost as boring as this Tweet.

@everyone Dusting the furniture.

@everyone Watching paint dry. Neat!

Totally kidding, folks. I'm not going to be one of THOSE twittererererers. It will hopefully be insightful, interesting, obnoxious, funny or thought-provoking or I won't post it. Something like:

@everyone Thinking that it's time for Dippin' Dots to change their slogan from "The Ice Cream of the Future" to "The Ice Cream of 21 Years Ago".

In fact, gonna go tweet that right now.

Chau, homepeeps!

Doga

My preggers sister-in-law goes to a yoga class on Monday nights, appropriately and cutely named "Mamaste." Last night she noticed they also offer a doggie yoga class. Apparently the class is only about 5 minutes long, though, cuz dogs only know 2 poses:

Downward Facing Dog and Upward Facing Dog.

ba-dum-bump

*rimshot*

I'll be here all week.

Dating Jesus

I went to a Christian college many a moon ago and during my time there I bore witness to an abundance of girls that sorely disappointed the male population on campus by deciding not to date any of them and proudly declaring instead that they were "dating Jesus." It was quite the phenomenom, due in part to a book that had become very popular at the time. This particular book detailed the evils of dating and exhorted young women to eschew this foolhardy practice. And eschew, they did.

The problem with dating Jesus, as my brother and sister-in-law were discussing with me the other day, is that once you meet The One, then there's that sticky bit of breaking up with Jesus! And tell me... just how does one break up with the Almighty?

It’s not you, it’s me. OBviously, since you’re perfect and everything. Talk about holier-than-thou! As if I can even compete with that.

It’s just not working out, Jesus. Look, it’s just that… dude. You ever heard of a haircut and a shave? And seriously, do you have to ALWAYS wear mandals? It’s kind of embarrassing. Don't even get me started on that ratty old bathrobe of yours.

We can still be friends and hang out and stuff. I mean… that water to wine thing is a pretty cool party trick, right?

I really want to keep in touch, though. I mean, come on, I pretty much think you hung the moon. Come to think of it, you actually DID do that. So that’s cool… and stuff…

So… uh…

Text me?

So... how would you break up with Jesus?

I made up a new word.

I was calling Snuggles a fur-person, which then became "furson." I like it. I shall keep it.

One time I saw an Asian kid wearing bizarre clothing and his hair stuck out in all directions like an anime character and I was like, "Lookit that crazy Asian......... Crasian! HAHAHA!" Another time I was talking about the character of Kelly on The Office and how valley girl she is. Which led to "trendian." Because she's Indian. Dot, not feather. Jake and Christy can both attest to the genius that led to the creation of these awesome words.

And then long time ago my brother and I started saying the word "ginormous" and then suddenly it got all *popular* (finger quotes) and crap. How'd that happen?

Have you ever made up a fun word? How about a word that you heard later and you SWORE you invented it first?

The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.

Beach update: yep, as anticipated, it's awesome here. We've been pigging out on gelato, sweet tea, seafood (not me, ick!), chocolate, fruity drinks and ice cream.

And I miss Snuggles like the deserts miss the rain. It's the first time I've been away from him for more than 8 hours or so. :o(

He did send me a text this morning, though. It said eiakkd;gjabdukjgficnmke. Cuz his paws are really big.

Mute Monday: Places Revealed

Here are the answers. Because inquiring minds want to know.

Destin, Florida

(A.K.A. my family's vacation destination every year and in a couple weeks!)

Black Hills, South Dakota

(A little "burrito" walked up to our Jeep on the side of the road and said hi. I freaking WANT one.)

Kauai, Hawaii

(There are feral chickens ALL OVER the island; some with the most beautiful, bright colors)

Natural Waterfall ~ Kauai, Hawaii

(We got to swim and cliff-dive --only Jake took the plunge; I swam -- at the waterfall where the beginning of the first Indiana Jones movie was filmed. We also saw the cave where that big-ass rock came rolling out after Indy.)

Kauai, Hawaii

(Mom and I horseback riding on the beach. ABsolutely incredible experience.)

I Heart Duckabees

I'm feeling super ducky today cuz I got to save a couple of little Ducky McDuckersons from the Oklahoma wind today. It's like fence blowing-down windy and we went to eat lunch at a place on the lake today, where it's even windier-er next to the water. As I was leaving and headed towards my car my brother and sister-in-law yelled to me to come over to this little spot where some flowers and little shrubs were planted outside the restaurant. They were all, "HELP THEM!" There were 2 lil' McDuckersons that were freshly hatched outta their eggies and were literally about to be blown away. It was the most pitiful/cutest thing I ever did saw. I ran over in my platform heels, all the while my dress at risk of pulling a Marilyn Monroe, threw all my stuff (purse, keys, scarf) at my family members and scooped the little critters up. I hobbled through the little garden and found the other eggs and put them back behind some shrubs where they would be more protected from the wind shears. Here are some pixes of the Duckersons. They're a bit hard to see cuz they're all camo-y and stuff.

(If you're having trouble seeing him, his beak is on the left.)

As Moi would say... *le sigh*

It was an Easter miracle!

Last year on Easter weekend my brother found the Easter Bunny in his yard.

Turns out, he’s much smaller and less pink than we always thought. I rushed right over to meet him slash hold him slash pet him slash wish I could keep him. We called a bunneh rescue expert and determined that he was old enough to survive without his mommy and then set him free in the park so he could go and fill children’s Easter baskets with glee. And maybe some rabbit pellets.

I hope he comes back for a visit this year!

Go Shawty, it's y'berfday...

Happy Birthday, Sissy!

I love, love, love, love, love you like a summer thunderstorm or the smell of freshly baked bread or a 1954 Chevy pickup truck. Yes, I love you THAAAAAAT much.

I hope your day is really special, Preggers.

XOXO (kees-hohg-kees-hohg),

Sister-Face

P.S. Here is a little sumting for you.

Announcement: Have you guys heard about this "library" thing?

Yeah, so I haven't been to the public liberry since high school. Which is sad. Because I love books. But I just usually buy them and add to my collection rather than checking something out. But thanks to my sister-in-law, Christy, I was reminded that libraries with unlimited free books still exist! (Thanks, Sis.)

Anyway, some of you know that last fall I went back to school to complete a degree in Spanish Translation and Interpretation. So I have to do this big project in one of my classes about gauchos. No... not the pants, dummy. The Argentine cowboys.

I stopped by the liberry to pick up some research materials on the way home from work and it was so exciting! I'm such. A. Dork! I forgot how great the library can be. So many cool books and I wanted to check so many out but knew I'd never have the time to read all of them in a 2-week period.

On the way out I picked up a brochure about library policies and found it pretty interesting. Here are some of the things you'll want to keep in mind the next time you're there:

• No firearms or dangerous weapons (except MLS authorized security officers). That would be "Metropolitan Library System" authorized security officers. No. Way. They have armed library 5-0? Do they carry guns, do you think? Or tasers? Or large staplers?


• No disruptions such as loud talking, screaming, crying, banging on computer keyboards, etc. Sheesh. Sounds like a psych ward, not a library.

• No communicable diseases, contagious illnesses, lice or other body or article infestation. Don't be bringin' yer dang cooties in this here liberry. Seriously, though. Body infestation? *gross*


• No using restrooms for bathing, shampooing or doing laundry. Really? How do you explain the convenient travel-size soaps, complimentary shower cap and tiny bottles of shampoo-and-conditioner-in-one? Hmmmmmm?


• No entering the library barefoot, without a shirt, with wet clothes, offensive body odor or personal hygiene. What do you expect if you won't let me use the bathroom to take a flea bath or do my wet laundry? I mean, be reasonable.


• No entering unauthorized workspaces, docks or back alleys. Okay, that sounds kinda shady. Back alleys? Docks? I'm here to get books, not hide a dead body for the mob.


• No bringing items that take up an excessive amount of space. Crap. I guess I'll have to leave my iPod Shuffle at home.


• No prolonged or chronic sleeping or lying down. Is Chronic Lying Down an actual condition? What about Chronic Bending Over? Or Chronic Sitting Cross-Legged? Chronic Yoga Posing?

I'm going back tomorrow to check out a copy of Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret. and this month's Highlights magazine. I wonder if they have back issues of Cat Fancy...

I'll peruse the card catalog after I finish my load of whites.

Best sister ever (best brother, too!)

Today is my brother and his wife's 4th anniversary.

Christy blogged a love letter about Jake and I wanted to share it because it goes to show how loving she is, how devoted he is and why I'm so incredibly lucky to have a family like this. Read the post and pay attention: this is how a strong, Christ-centered marriage looks. By the way, when she says they miss each other when one of them leaves the room... she's not exaggerating. They're really that crazy about each other. Given how incredible these two people are together... well... I just can't wait to meet the tiny version of the two of them put together.

I love you guys so much! Happy Anniversary.

http://jakeandchristy.blogspot.com/2008/12/why-i-married-jacob-4-years-ago-today_18.html

Did I mention I'm going to be an aunt?

I'm Gonna Be An Aunt!

All the aunties in the house say, "Hey-ey!!!"

So a lot of you probably already know this but I just haven't gotten the chance to blog aboot it so here it be! Christy is great with child. Okay, not really. She's about 8 1/2 weeks along, so... just a little with child. But who the heck cares! I'm gonna be an aunt! Ooooor an uncle... seeing as how they're not going to find out the gender of the beh-beh until he/she/it/they is/are born.

Anyhoo, Dad took to calling the baby "Tater" instead of having to use "the baby" constantly and the name stuck.

If you want to see a REAL picture of Tater and also get updates on Preggers, go to Sissy's blog:

http://jakeandchristy.blogspot.com/2008/11/baby-and-i-have-made-it-to-8-weeks-and.html

WE ARE SO HECKA EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!123!!!