More Questionable Decor

Come on, you know you wanna do this to your house.

Honey, I know you want to mount your latest kill on the wall, but can't we compromise and just put one antler on the coffee table? Fair enough?

Yes, I know what you're thinking: I've always wanted a chair that allowed me to poop without having to get up from my seat and walk into the actual bathroom. Well then you need...

The Poop Chair (patent pending)

"With convenient poop hole in the back."

Poop Chair 2000: for those with more contemporary taste in poop chairs.

I know what you're thinking: I've always wanted a footstool that looked like a clove of garlic with the top chopped off. Today is your lucky day, my friend.

In the wild, baby tables huddle underneath the mommy table for warmth and protection.

What's that? You say you don't need a soap dish? Well, how about a button dish? Surely you need a button dish.

Button Dish (patent denied)

"For all your button dish needs."

Shriveled Egyptian mummies make a whimsical statement in this otherwise stark room. Now, let's talk about what shrunken heads can do for your kitchen...

Model Behavior

I love the way models pose in catalogs. It's always so... natural.

Yes, Officer. I understand that I've been placed under arrest for "Modeling While Under the Influence of an Ugly Mauve Shirt Tunic Thing", and yes, I understand my rights as you've read them to me.

They told me these beads were made of shell, so I'm listening to see if I can hear the ocean.

This bag is so large I can hardly hold it up.

I really need to pee. Can I be excused from the photo shoot?

I've got an itch right... about... here.

Really? Cuz I've got one right back here. We should totally start a club!

I hate you.

Just kidding, lol!

I have scoliosis.

Questionable Decorating

Real people that don't live inside catalogs don't decorate like this. But wouldn't it be fun if they did???

Oh, dear. How are we ever going to camouflage this Airstream camper?

Wait! I've got it!

Perfect. Now no one will ever notice it...

Oh, honey, don't mind that huge crack in the wall. We can always hide under this gigantic pile of pillows if chunks of plaster start to fall off.

"F" stands for what. The FRICK.

Thisroomhassomuchgoingonmyhedmayasplode.

Oh, I forgot. This picture comes from the pages of the newest Hoarders Room Decor catalog.

Oh my stars. It's the Enchanted Forest of the Wrinkled Duvet Covers. Praise be.

My dearest darling,

I am writing this letter to tell you how intoxicating your love is. It is much like a summer breeze gently caressing the branches of a stooped willow tree. It is not at all unlike the way that one guy loved that one chick in The Notebook. Some might say our love is akin to a rushing flood and the world is a tiny beaver dam that the flood of our love is bursting through like so many twigs. O this love, I cannot contain - oh drat. I've gone and written on my bedsheets again. I've really got to stop writing love letters while I'm on Tylenol PM.

The matching gigantic boulder nightstand, dresser, and highboy really create a sense of harmony in this space. It was a good choice to move the bed into the shade, though, so as to avoid pesky afternoon nap sunburn. Now if you'll excuse me, the sun is setting, so I shall turn on my 14 bedside lamps and read for a bit.

More questionable decorating to come...

Fun with Catalogs in the Bathroom at My Office

Catalog copy can be fun to read. Maybe it reminds me of the J. Peterman stuff from Seinfeld. I don’t know. But there is some really ridiculous copy floating around out there. I found this catalog at work. It’s like a fancy-shmancy catalog of décor and gadget-y things for really nice houses. There are some interesting things to be read and seen in there. For example:

“Hey, kids! I’ve got a great idea! Let’s put on our church clothes and go out to the backyard and roast marshmallows!”

“Daddy, I’m cold.”

“Shake it off, honey. Shake it off.”

Check out the dull look in this guy’s eyes. What he’s thinking: I could stay awake, just to hear you breathin’… don’t wanna close my eyeeeeeeeeeees, don’t wanna faaaaaaaall asleep cuz I miss you baby, and I don’t wanna miss a thaaa-aaang!

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! I got you a fan! Can I have your Jag when you die?

“Others are mere angel hair compared to the World’s Thickest Noodle.” Well, hardy-har-har. This is the World’s Dumbest Product to Apply a Superlative To.

European Beanbags: Hip outdoor seating.” Paradoxically, it’s the squareness that makes them hip. And European.

“The drama of fire complemented by the soothing sound of water. Our sculptural masterpiece pays tribute to two earthen elements in one self-contained piéce de résistance.” More like piéce de cráp.






It looks like this guy is wearing a long white nightshirt. He doesn’t know whether to enjoy the hammock with his wife or declare “Bah, humbug.” Hey buddy, say hullo to Jacob Marley for me. Really bad photo composition on this one, methinks.

“We set out to create the greatest beverage tub on Earth—behold the impressive result.” Well, congratu-freakin-lations. But maybe you didn’t get the memo. It’s a BEVERAGE TUB.

Oh no? You didn't get the memo either? It’s a FAKE ARTICHOKE. Not a Ming Dynasty vase.

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Quick note: for the next week I'll be on vacation with my family at the beach. Suck it - bwahahahaha! Just kidding. Anyhoo, I'll probably be a bit absent from the blerg but I'm setting up some posts to auto-publish while I'm frolicking in the sand. You know, to please the unwashed masses.

Miss me bunches! XOXO!