Model Behavior

I love the way models pose in catalogs. It's always so... natural.

Yes, Officer. I understand that I've been placed under arrest for "Modeling While Under the Influence of an Ugly Mauve Shirt Tunic Thing", and yes, I understand my rights as you've read them to me.

They told me these beads were made of shell, so I'm listening to see if I can hear the ocean.

This bag is so large I can hardly hold it up.

I really need to pee. Can I be excused from the photo shoot?

I've got an itch right... about... here.

Really? Cuz I've got one right back here. We should totally start a club!

I hate you.

Just kidding, lol!

I have scoliosis.

'Nother Round of Vintage Ads

Two sizes-Regular and Hospital

Seriously, I do not want to know what hospital size is.

And the award for most racist gelatin advertisement goes to...

The copy on this ad reads:

"Mammy sent dis ovah"

JELL-O is known to all sections as "America's Most Famous Dessert." In the South, for instance, it is inexpensive enough to be found in the cabins of the old plantation. It is delicious enough to meet the standards of good living at the "Big House." It is dainty enough for milady's afternoon tea. It is appealing enough to turn the sinful, of any color, away from his neighbor's melon patch.

Yes, please read that again, if you need to. Jell-O: America's Most Famous Racist Dessert.

HolycrapJell-Oareyouserious.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(Looks like fun, though.)

Effanbee Dolls, you say?

"Hey, that's a really nice effan' bee doll!"

"Yeah, you like my effan' bee doll? You want to see this effan' bee doll up close?"

"HEY! Get that effan' bee doll outta my face!"

Reminds me of these:

What're you doin'? Oh, nothing. Just sittin' here eatin' some elfin' crackers is all.

Early graffiti.

Yo, that's a mad tag, yo.

How to keep your silk underwear and stockings: don't go to a Tom Jones concert.

[CLOVER] I got crabs!

bahahahahahahahaha

LOL, made ya look. I'm not that kind of girl! You should have already knowed that from my last post!

Okay so, my Uncle Jake is a children's worship pastor and he's always doing these super weird things to entertain the little peoples. Like this one time he had the little peoples play this gross game where they had to make two lines facing each other and then race to the middle to pick up a slimy, squishy octopus! Like, a real one! Uncle Jake is so totally weird! And awesome!

So, the other day he decided to do a illustrayshun for the little peoples with these two big ol' Dungarees Crabs. I didn't know crabs wore jeans! So anyways, he said he was gonna put the crabbies into a bucket to show how a single crab can crawl out of a bucket wiffout problems. But if there is more than one crab, they all pull each other down in an effort to be the first one out. I can identify, because I always have to beat Snuggles out the door to the back yard. And sometimes we look like the Three Stooges (or just two of them) when we get stuck in the doorway together. I think the illustrayshun with the crabs wearing jeans was about selfishness or about crabs being weird and stinky and gross or maybe crustacean fashion for 2011. Whatever. It had a point. I think.

I dare you to even TRY and catch me.

Here's a video of me checking out the crabs. I was very fascinated with how smelly they were. It made me want to roll around on them like I do when I find a worm in the grass.

Snuggles was not at all interested in the crabbies. Here's how he felt about them:

Get those things away from me.

If you ask me, he was acting a little crabby about the whole thing.

That's IT!

I’m growing my hair back out… OFFICIALLY.

Today I stopped by Wendy’s to pick up a salad (I’m on a diet, people!) and as I paid and got my food the woman working there said to me, “Thank you, sir.”

...

...

...


Sir?

SIR?!?!

I mean, I know I have short hair but in my defense I was wearing large hoop earrings, makeup, high heels, boobs. You know, stuff like that.

Not.

Cool.

So… now I’m off to shave my mustache and drown my sorrows in chocolate chip ice cream on a waffle cone.

"Butthead" Caption Contest Winner!

So, for my very first ever caption contest, here are the results!

Tied for first place are:

Philip Dyer, with "Whoa, check out that hot piece of ash."

and

Eric, with "This just in... David Copperfield infuriated Claudia Schiffer when she asked him for a cigarette!"

You guys win this super cheesy award! Yay!

Runner-up is Funnyrunner, with "If the big bad wolf didn't kill Little Red Ridinghood, cigarettes would.

Honorable mention: Candice, with "It's not a tuma!"

And congrats to Winky Twinky for landing her "Butthead" comment into the title of this post!

Thanks, everyone! It was so hard to pick winners. Come back this Thursday for another round.

New Thing: Caption Contest

Yeah, yeah, I know that a lot of blogs already do caption contests but I think they're a fun way to invite reader participation. And you get to find out how funny everyone is.

Sooo... caption dese wan!

Epic Win!

My "Dating Jesus" headline won an award. Or, more specifically, a t-shirt! Thanks to "Mom" over at Life...EXAGGERATED for the props. Her headline meme is a great idea so check it out.

Half-Moon Manicure

I want to get a couple more people to take the pit bull identification test before I post the answers and more info. So until then I'll just post this picture of my cute new half-moon manicure. (No, it's not black, it's dark navy.)

This vintage style is coming back in vogue but it used to be the way ladies painted their nails all the time back in the day. Sort of like a French or American Manicure except that the moons in addition to the tips were left white. It was considered a bit on the edge to paint the entire nail like we're used to now. Your girlie historical fact for the day!

Sorry, fellas. Here's some, uh... stuff for you.

Informal Poll: Which collar should I get for Snuggles?

His current one is irritating his poor little skinsies. Which one of these should I get him to replace it?

This one, (the one on the bottom, with the 2 rows)?

This one?

Or this one?

And should I get him black or brown? I know he's black and white and black should "go" better but at the moment I'm leaning towards brown. It just looks nice on him, I think.

Here's a reminder of his adorability. Picture this cuteness in your head while you're deciding on your answers to the poll.

What a good-lookin' pooch.

You are Cordially Invited... to a Fashion Snarcasm Session

From the "Oh crap, no!" Files.

Let's do this thing...

And the winner of this year's title for "Miss Zebra USA" is... this chick!

She looks completely bewildered by teh ugly.

Speaking of bewildered. Uhhhhh................. what?

This. Is not a dress. I repeat. This. Is not a dress. It's a bib.

The 80's called. They want their fugly dress back. STAT.

This one's called the "Tartan Puffball." More like crapball.

Okay, I'm just going to go on the record and say I DON'T LIKE TULIP DRESSES. It looks like this model is trying to smuggle a cardboard box under there.

No.

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no I need a nap.

Look deeeeep into my rose. I will hypnotize you into thinking this isn't the butt ugliest dress you ever saw.

Looks like Laura Ashley ate my granny's couch and then vomited it back up onto this model.

Is this a jogging suit or a cocktail dress? Cuz honestly I really can't tell.

I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I want you... to throw this dress into a dumpster.

Suddenly I have the urge to do some origami.

I really have no words for this one. Wait, strike that. Actually, I do. I didn't think that tulip dresses could get uglier, stupider or more trashbaggy looking.

This one is called the "Extreme Tulip Dress." Extreme for extremly abysmal.

Sweet sassafrass, the back view is even worse. What woman would want her butt to look this big? I mean there's stupid, and then there's this.

Do you think the hostess will mind if I wear my new bathing suit to the garden party?

A dress really ought not to have this many right angles.

Anyone need a dinner napkin?

This model looks like she got punched in the stomach just before the picture was taken. And she's trying to stay strong. It's cool. Just hooooold it together for the photo.

Speaking of, it seems like a lot of the models are post-tummy-punch with their weird poses. Check it out:

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In all fairness, I found some amazingly beautiful things on this particular site and will be posting them on a future "What I'm NOT Buying this Weekend." Check out Margo's site for the skinny on this meme. I think a lot of folks have been confused by my past postings because they think I DIDN'T LIKE the stuff I posted that I "didn't buy." On the contrary, I wanted ALL of those things. The point of the game is that you window shop for stuff you adore but instead of spending the money you save it by living vicariously and posting the items on your blog for all to see. And on those occassions when you actually DO purchase something you post it all the same so others can also live vicariously through you. Get it?