Smells like freedom... and burning plastic.

Jake filmed the destruction and posted it on his YT page.


(sorry if you see this more than once in your reading list... was trying to remember how to size the video down)

An Open Letter to My Credit Card

An Open Letter to My Credit Card


Dear Credit Card:

I know this might seem like it's completely out of the blue, but... well... how do I say this? To put it as gently as possible, I'm breaking up with you, you jackhole. I know, I know... I'm sorry. We've had some great times. We really have. Remember that shopping spree at Anthropologie? Remember when I got LASIK? Remember when Snuggles had to have unexpected surgery? Yeah... I'm still paying for those things. Not cool, you know? Your manipulative ways have held me captive in your unrelenting grasp for too long. I've come to realize I'm just another number in your little black book. Account No. XXXX XXXX XXXX 0231, actually.

And so, Credit Card, I'm cutting you off. I'm cutting you out of my life completely. And, well, I'm actually going to literally cut you up as well. And believe me when I say it will hurt me more than it will hurt you. Because I will actually have to start paying for things. And it's going to sting for a while. But in the end, it will turn out for the best. For both of us. Well... maybe not for you. But definitely for me. And hey, chin up; someday we'll look back on this and laugh.

It's not you. It's me. Well... actually, it is you. It's 100% you, and you suck.

Not so fondly,

Heather
(your soon to be debt-free ex)

P.S. I've been seeing someone else. His name is Ca$h Money.

[CLOVER] I got crabs!

bahahahahahahahaha

LOL, made ya look. I'm not that kind of girl! You should have already knowed that from my last post!

Okay so, my Uncle Jake is a children's worship pastor and he's always doing these super weird things to entertain the little peoples. Like this one time he had the little peoples play this gross game where they had to make two lines facing each other and then race to the middle to pick up a slimy, squishy octopus! Like, a real one! Uncle Jake is so totally weird! And awesome!

So, the other day he decided to do a illustrayshun for the little peoples with these two big ol' Dungarees Crabs. I didn't know crabs wore jeans! So anyways, he said he was gonna put the crabbies into a bucket to show how a single crab can crawl out of a bucket wiffout problems. But if there is more than one crab, they all pull each other down in an effort to be the first one out. I can identify, because I always have to beat Snuggles out the door to the back yard. And sometimes we look like the Three Stooges (or just two of them) when we get stuck in the doorway together. I think the illustrayshun with the crabs wearing jeans was about selfishness or about crabs being weird and stinky and gross or maybe crustacean fashion for 2011. Whatever. It had a point. I think.

I dare you to even TRY and catch me.

Here's a video of me checking out the crabs. I was very fascinated with how smelly they were. It made me want to roll around on them like I do when I find a worm in the grass.

Snuggles was not at all interested in the crabbies. Here's how he felt about them:

Get those things away from me.

If you ask me, he was acting a little crabby about the whole thing.

Piper is out of baby jail!

Piper McPipeyPants got to go home last night! And I finally got to hold her. She's only, like, the most awesomest thing ever to hold.

Epic Win!

My "Dating Jesus" headline won an award. Or, more specifically, a t-shirt! Thanks to "Mom" over at Life...EXAGGERATED for the props. Her headline meme is a great idea so check it out.

Half-Moon Manicure

I want to get a couple more people to take the pit bull identification test before I post the answers and more info. So until then I'll just post this picture of my cute new half-moon manicure. (No, it's not black, it's dark navy.)

This vintage style is coming back in vogue but it used to be the way ladies painted their nails all the time back in the day. Sort of like a French or American Manicure except that the moons in addition to the tips were left white. It was considered a bit on the edge to paint the entire nail like we're used to now. Your girlie historical fact for the day!

Sorry, fellas. Here's some, uh... stuff for you.

I made up a new word.

I was calling Snuggles a fur-person, which then became "furson." I like it. I shall keep it.

One time I saw an Asian kid wearing bizarre clothing and his hair stuck out in all directions like an anime character and I was like, "Lookit that crazy Asian......... Crasian! HAHAHA!" Another time I was talking about the character of Kelly on The Office and how valley girl she is. Which led to "trendian." Because she's Indian. Dot, not feather. Jake and Christy can both attest to the genius that led to the creation of these awesome words.

And then long time ago my brother and I started saying the word "ginormous" and then suddenly it got all *popular* (finger quotes) and crap. How'd that happen?

Have you ever made up a fun word? How about a word that you heard later and you SWORE you invented it first?

New from Hasbro

Here be an artist's rendering of the single Peony I pluck-ed from my garden today. Ain't she cute?

Nofe air that I have a neighbor with bajillions of them and she never even picks a single one to put in a lovely vaaaaaaaaaaaz. She just lets them get all big and heavy and droopy and then they just die like that. *sadness*

I Heart Duckabees

I'm feeling super ducky today cuz I got to save a couple of little Ducky McDuckersons from the Oklahoma wind today. It's like fence blowing-down windy and we went to eat lunch at a place on the lake today, where it's even windier-er next to the water. As I was leaving and headed towards my car my brother and sister-in-law yelled to me to come over to this little spot where some flowers and little shrubs were planted outside the restaurant. They were all, "HELP THEM!" There were 2 lil' McDuckersons that were freshly hatched outta their eggies and were literally about to be blown away. It was the most pitiful/cutest thing I ever did saw. I ran over in my platform heels, all the while my dress at risk of pulling a Marilyn Monroe, threw all my stuff (purse, keys, scarf) at my family members and scooped the little critters up. I hobbled through the little garden and found the other eggs and put them back behind some shrubs where they would be more protected from the wind shears. Here are some pixes of the Duckersons. They're a bit hard to see cuz they're all camo-y and stuff.

(If you're having trouble seeing him, his beak is on the left.)

As Moi would say... *le sigh*

HOLY CRAP I MADE IT ONTO THE FIRST PAGE AT HUMOR BLOGS!

And on the day I did an idiotic dinosaur post.


Wow!


I am humbled.


Also, I'm awesome.


Humbly awesome.







Vote for Me at Humor Blogs!

What I DID Buy This Week: Vintage Clothing Spectacular

Margo started the "What I'm NOT Buying this Weekend" meme with the caveat that if you do express your God-given right to shop with actual money, to still post your purchases (with gusto!) so that others can live vicariously through you. Well, it was really, really hard but I took one for the team this week. I did it for you, people.

You're welcome.

Firstly, my family is going to the beach next month so I went bathing suit shopping and just lookit the cutie-pie bikini I found! It's distinctly Gidget-y on and quite fetching in person.

Yea! Glad that's over and done with.

Top: $48.00

Bottoms: $52.00

Not on sale... boo...

Then, I got a major itch to go thrift store shopping this week so I got some cream for that and then I went to my favorite place for retro threads, Bohemian Spirit Vintage. It's where I bought the amazing 1930's dress I'm wearing in my profile photo. I was looking for a black cocktail dress for a wedding I'm going to be in and not only did I find a great one but several other diamonds in the rough, too! I will post pictures of the black dress when it's finished being altered. Until then, here are the other gems I found!

Red Rose Dress

This dress is A. Mazing.
I'm going to shorten the sleeves, though, and give them a cuff.

And would you just look at the ridiculously gorgeous fan detailing on the placket!

$30.00
40% off

Blue Jersey Shirtwaist Dress

Think i might cuff the sleeves on this one, too.

$12.00

40% off

Silk Periwinkle Dress

It doesn't look like much yet because it's way too big and I'm going to have it tailored all 'round. Indeed, it's the only dress I was able to fit on my large dress form mannequin.


$16.00
75% off




Graphic Stripe Dress


Yeah, yeah, I know how hideous this dress is right now...


But look how chic and modern it will look once I rip the sleeves off!
I know... I'm a genius.


$10.00
50% off





FREAKIN' ADORABLE PURSE!


Look how fantastic the embroidery is.


$18
25% off

Sigh... it was a good week.

I has awardz!

I guess I'm pretty cool cuz I was just given not one but two awards by fellow bloggers, both of whom are freakin' fabulous themselves!

First off, Jules gave me her Homemade Hilarity Seal of Awesomeness Award. Look at this thing. Not only does it have a hand going all, like, "OK" but more importantly it has a rainbow AND a unicorn on it. I mean. Just. Wow!

And then Obladi gave me this lemonade stand thingie, which I guess means... I'm really good at peddling beverages on the side of the road? YEA FOR ME!

The instructions for the lemonade stand award are now as follows:

1. Copy the above logo and put it on blog or post.
2. Nominate at least 10 blogs that show attitude and/or gratitude (those who add sweetness to life and/or inspire you by making lemonade.)
3. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.
4. Let them know they have received this award by commenting on a post.
5. Nominate your favorites and link to this blog.

So, without further ado, here are some of my favoritest bloggies, most of which lean more towards the "attitude" side:

• The Shark Tank: Shawn is so funny he makes me want to punch myself in the face repeatedly. Plus, he likes to write "open letters", too.


• Kitchen Retro and The Virtual Dime Museum: Lidian is a kindred spirit who shares my affinity for vintage ads and ephemera.


• Homemade Hilarity: Aforementioned Julia D. posts horrible crapfts for all to enjoy. And by "enjoy" I mean make fun of.


• Effew Penguin: Fair warning for anyone easily offended by strong language. Indeed, there is a "curse word" right there in the name of the blog. But if you can get past all that, this blog will make you lawl. With the ridiculous concept of telling off cute animals for being so cute, it doesn't get much funnier or ridiculous... er.


• Bite the Apple: Moi's snarky fashion critiques and bully breed advocacy make her one of my faves.


• Jake & Christy: You know I gotta plug my brother and his wife's blog, right?


• J.B. vs. Stuff 3000: Funny stuff.


• BAD RAP Blog and Vick Dog Blog: Pibble rescue involved in a lot of high-profile busts, including the Vick dogs. The Vicktory Dogs themselves blog about their new lives on the VDB.


• Ideas from the Edge: My friend Conan the Barbie is one of the funniest people I know and she's a fantastic writer, too.


• The Troll Report: Chef Troll decides on a theme each week for Mute Monday.

I'd really like to thank all of the little people along the way that made these awards possible. And I'd like to thank the Academy. Wait! Don't play the music yet! I still have people to thank...