May as well start the new year off with a little levity. Enjoy these little treasures gleaned from the outer reaches of the netherwebs. Just try not to go into convulsions.
- Banana Guard - The website states: "Bananas may go in your bag in perfect condition but most often they emerge looking like they've done fifteen rounds against a middle-weight boxer with a fruit problem. Fortunately for us, this problem was solved by a brilliant Canadian. Keeping nature's funky shape, size and colour, the designers have made a sturdy case. Be the envy of battered banana eaters everywhere when you pull this out from your bag. Features:
*The Banana Guard is made from durable plastic with a sturdy locking mechanism
*Small perforations to facilitate ventilation preventing premature ripening
*Made in Canada"
Yes, only a dirty Canadian could come up with an idea this stupid.
P.S. Um... it's really creepy looking. And that's all I'm gonna say about that.
- Flair Hair - visor with fake hair attached.
No. Just... no.
- Chest Hair Toupee - for those men who are still lacking that manly confidence, even after donning the aforementioned super-cool hairy visor.
Awww... it's heart-shaped!
- Secure Outdoor Cat Run - This is basically the hamster ball given a makeover. Its purpose? To torture your cat. You pretty much toss your cat into the Mesh Tunnel of Death and watch him frolick the day away, right? Probably not, but I bet you'll get some laughs out of watching Mr. Flufferkins trying to escape in a fit of kitty rage.
I love how the owner in this particular photo has placed a ball outside the thing, pretty much guaranteed to piss the cat off.
- Nose Aerobics - "The only sport you play on your face!" Rejected slogan: "Guaranteed to get you picked last in dodgeball!"
Get this. They're sold out. SOLD OUT, PEOPLE. What is this world coming to?
- Rejuvenique - Electrocution Mask of Terror. Basically you strap this thing on and it electrocutes your face... you know... to improve your complexion and stuff. It actually comes with what they call "toning gel" that must be put on all contact points. Um... hello? Sounds like the conducting gel they use on those shock paddle thingies at the hospital. Can you say "red flag"???
You, too, can look like Hannibal Lector, The Phantom of the Opera, or Jason from Friday the 13th. Take your pick! The possibilities are endless!
