Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Awesome Vintage Advertisements: Part I Dunno

New vintage ads for your enjoyment.

"What are the wild waves saying?"

They're saying, "Shells can't talk, dummy!"

I think I'd look surprised and all screamy if my nose disappeared, too!

I don't think I'd like to play "Uncle Wiggily" with this guy. Wait, lemme check... nope, don't wanna play.

I just love ads that use Hitler propaganda to make a point.

Pepsi will help you torture your cat with Christmas decor. Yay!

I want you to look at the sled kid's face and then just imagine with me: he ate bran flakes right before zipping up into that snowsuit.

"Ice Cream for Health"?! Now THIS is a campaign I can get behind. Somebody get me one o' those colorful rubber bracelets to wear. Get me 3 of 'em.

Monday, June 29, 2009

An Open Letter to the "Home" Key on My Keyboard

An Open Letter to the "Home" Key on My Keyboard

Dear "Home" Key:

How come you don't work? I have pressed you several times this morning yet here at work I remain. You suck.

Warmest regards,


P.S. Maybe I should invest in a Ruby Slippers Button.

"Butthead" Caption Contest Winner!

So, for my very first ever caption contest, here are the results!

Tied for first place are:

Philip Dyer, with "Whoa, check out that hot piece of ash."


Eric, with "This just in... David Copperfield infuriated Claudia Schiffer when she asked him for a cigarette!"

You guys win this super cheesy award! Yay!

Runner-up is Funnyrunner, with "If the big bad wolf didn't kill Little Red Ridinghood, cigarettes would.

Honorable mention: Candice, with "It's not a tuma!"

And congrats to Winky Twinky for landing her "Butthead" comment into the title of this post!

Thanks, everyone! It was so hard to pick winners. Come back this Thursday for another round.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Worst Blind Dates Ever

As I get older and singler, everyone and their hamster wants to set me up with their grandpa's brother's greatnephew's neighbor's friend's clone grown from a petri dish. Goes with the territory.

Here are my two worst blind dates ever, which also happen to be my only two blind dates ever. And people wonder why I don't want to go on any more of them???

Blind Date 1: Guy admits to having a personality disorder, asks me how much I weigh (!) and tells me how he used to tell his ex-girlfriend she needed to lose about 10 pounds. "No, no, but she liked it when I told her that. She needed the motivation, see?" He also spent the bulk of his time talking about his ex and how wonderful she was, how beautiful her eyes were and the pet names she called him.

Blind Date 2: Guy tells me freely that he loves to frequent gay bars and drag shows "just for fun." Then he chastises me for not having ever experienced it myself. Dude, are you serious??? YOU DO NOT TELL SOMEONE THIS ON A FIRST DATE. Or a second, or a third...

Blind Date 3: Not!

What was YOUR worst date, blind date or first date?

Thursday, June 25, 2009

New Thing: Caption Contest

Yeah, yeah, I know that a lot of blogs already do caption contests but I think they're a fun way to invite reader participation. And you get to find out how funny everyone is.

Sooo... caption dese wan!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Bent Objects

Today I wanted to spotlight an artist that I just stumbled across recently. This guy Terry makes the most darling and kooky art out of found objects and wire and bits of things. Check his blog out and meantime, here are a few of my favorites from his collection:

Now tell me those weren't more fun than a pail of puppies? Trick question - NOTHING'S better than a pail of puppies.

Epic Win!

My "Dating Jesus" headline won an award. Or, more specifically, a t-shirt! Thanks to "Mom" over at Life...EXAGGERATED for the props. Her headline meme is a great idea so check it out.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

So... what does a real pit bull look like?

Pit bulls, pitties, pits and pibbles.

What are we talking about?

First and foremost, it must be qualified that there is actually no such breed as a “Pit Bull.”


There are, however, 3 particular well-established breeds that fall under a category of dogs to which the term “pit bull” can be applied, as a sort of shortened generic nickname. Simply put, “pit bull”: not a breed, but a group of similar breeds.

The label “pit bull” frequently refers to the following:

The American Pit Bull Terrier

The “APBT” is generally medium in size with a solid, athletic look. The body is toned and lean without being overly muscular or bulky. Graceful and agile in movement, the breed standard calls for a weight typically ranging from 30 to 60 pounds.

The American Staffordshire Terrier

The “AmStaff” is commonly larger and heavier than the APBT, with a more blockish head and stockier legs. They usually weigh a maximum of 70 pounds.

*Though the APBT and AmStaff are descended from some of the same breeding lines, they have since become two distinct breeds. However, some breed enthusiasts actually consider the two to be essentially one in the same and it is not uncommon for a dog to have dual registry as an AmStaff through the American Kennel Club and as an APBT with the United Kennel Club. Pete the Pup, of Little Rascals fame was one such pooch.

The Staffordshire Bull Terrier

The “Staffy Bull” is a much smaller dog, short and squat with a stout build. They typically weigh less than 40 pounds. While some choose to crop the ears of the other two breeds, Staffy ears are almost always left natural.

*The breed originated in England but Americans later bred along different lines to produce a dog with more weight and height, eventually resulting in today’s AmStaff and APBT.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Did you get it right?


Which one is the pit bull?


None of these dogs is a pit bull.

That’s right! None of them!
Did you pass the test?

Here are the answers in case you didn’t:

1. Cane Corso

2. American Bull Molosser

3. Alapaha Blue Blood Bulldog

4. Dogo Argentino

5. Boxer

6. Bull Terrier

7. American Bulldog

8. Old English Mastiff

9. Great Dane

10. American Bully

11. Fila Brasileiro

12. Boxer

13. American Bandogge Mastiff

14. Presa Canario

15. Dogue De Bordeaux (French Mastiff)

16. Boerboel

17. American Bulldog

18. Japanese Tosa

19. Black Mouth Cur

20. Neapolitan Mastiff

21. Banter Bulldog

22. Cão Fila De São Miguel

23. Thai Ridgeback

24. Alano Español

25. Bullmastiff

26. Bull Terrier

27. Patterdale Terrier

28. Rhodesian Ridgeback

29. Ca De Bou

30. American Bulldog

31. Olde English Bulldogge

32. Canis Panther

33. Valley Bulldog

34. American Bully

35. Catahoula Bulldog

36. Cão Dos Mourey

37. Cane Corso

Are you surprised?

For many people a “pit bull” is any large dog with a block-like head, prominent jaws and muscular physique. Others may associate the breed with cropped ears, brindle coat coloring or the proverbial patch over one eye. As you can see, there are so many dogs that fit these characteristics.

Is it any surprise then that so many aggressive dogs are misidentified as “pit bulls”? It is more common than most people are aware of for a news organization to run a “pit bull” attack story, only to find out later that it was not a “pit bull” involved at all, but some other breed altogether. Story retractions are rare so the public is none the wiser. We continue to believe that pit bull attacks are numerous, which further fuels our fear of the breed.

So now the question arises... after having taken this picture test would you now trust yourself to correctly identify a “pit bull”? Small dogs, big dogs, mutts, Rottweilers, even Labrador Retrievers have mistakenly been described as “pit bulls” by witnesses to dog attacks.

Well, okay then...
Just what does a pit bull look like?

Find out in my next post!

(Or just click here.)

Until then, gaze upon the cutest pibble there ever was: Snuggles.

Fun fact: My 50-pound pit bull has actually been mistaken for a Jack Russell Terrier. He's also been mistaken for a Boxer, a Dalmation, a Bull Terrier, (like Spuds McKenzie and the "Target Dog") and a cow.