Monday, June 8, 2009

You are Cordially Invited... to a Fashion Snarcasm Session

From the "Oh crap, no!" Files.

Let's do this thing...

And the winner of this year's title for "Miss Zebra USA" is... this chick!

She looks completely bewildered by teh ugly.

Speaking of bewildered. Uhhhhh................. what?

This. Is not a dress. I repeat. This. Is not a dress. It's a bib.

The 80's called. They want their fugly dress back. STAT.

This one's called the "Tartan Puffball." More like crapball.

Okay, I'm just going to go on the record and say I DON'T LIKE TULIP DRESSES. It looks like this model is trying to smuggle a cardboard box under there.


No no no no no no no no no no no no no no I need a nap.

Look deeeeep into my rose. I will hypnotize you into thinking this isn't the butt ugliest dress you ever saw.

Looks like Laura Ashley ate my granny's couch and then vomited it back up onto this model.

Is this a jogging suit or a cocktail dress? Cuz honestly I really can't tell.

I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I want you... to throw this dress into a dumpster.

Suddenly I have the urge to do some origami.

I really have no words for this one. Wait, strike that. Actually, I do. I didn't think that tulip dresses could get uglier, stupider or more trashbaggy looking.

This one is called the "Extreme Tulip Dress." Extreme for extremly abysmal.

Sweet sassafrass, the back view is even worse. What woman would want her butt to look this big? I mean there's stupid, and then there's this.

Do you think the hostess will mind if I wear my new bathing suit to the garden party?

A dress really ought not to have this many right angles.

Anyone need a dinner napkin?
This model looks like she got punched in the stomach just before the picture was taken. And she's trying to stay strong. It's cool. Just hooooold it together for the photo.

Speaking of, it seems like a lot of the models are post-tummy-punch with their weird poses. Check it out:


In all fairness, I found some amazingly beautiful things on this particular site and will be posting them on a future "What I'm NOT Buying this Weekend." Check out Margo's site for the skinny on this meme. I think a lot of folks have been confused by my past postings because they think I DIDN'T LIKE the stuff I posted that I "didn't buy." On the contrary, I wanted ALL of those things. The point of the game is that you window shop for stuff you adore but instead of spending the money you save it by living vicariously and posting the items on your blog for all to see. And on those occassions when you actually DO purchase something you post it all the same so others can also live vicariously through you. Get it?


Margo said...

oh, yeah, I get it. I thank my lucky stars I wasn't at an impressionable age when the tulip dress in all its varieties was available. Who is the sick person who thought of it? Can we trace them?

Winky Twinky said...

The dinner napkin dress is by far not only the ugliest, but the dumbest thing I think I've ever seen...

Shawn said...

LOL @ the "I'm so excited" dress. The 80s are coming back, baby! Makes me want to down some caffeine pills and study for a test/make a music video.

Dave said...

Really, Heather. You shouldn't hold back. It's no good for your ulcer.

Eric said...

lol @ 'no no no... take a nap' & dinner napkin dress girl

BTW - Why are most of these girls standing in front of a curtain of medieval chain mail?

obladi oblada said...

You are cracking me up. The one with the wierd hyptonic flower-in-the-middle thingy made me throw up in my mouth a little. I must take a dramamine now, thanks.

shopgirl101 said...

These all look like those "McCall's Dress Patterns" from the 80's. Why buy something ugly when you can sew it yourself!

Tom said...

you're absolutely right--they'd all look better wearing nothing.

Heather Cherry said...

Margo: I'm on it...

Winky: I truly can't decide which one is the ugliest.

Shawn: O. M. G. LMAO!!!

Dave: How'd you know I had an ulcer?

Eric: Ha, good question!

O/O: My bad! ;p

Shop: Ugh, don't remind me!

Tom: Sigh... boys.

moi said...

Plaid (tartan – what ev), tulip dresses, and origamied-out construction are all bad enough on their own. Mix 'em all together in an outfit and that's a bullet through the head waiting to happen right there.

Shoot. Me. Now.

Wendy said...

Wow. Some of those were really scary. I swear one of those chicks was wearing the drapes. One looked like she was wearing a bookbag.

I've never really "gotten" fashion. If you saw me you would believe it, too. :)

Heather Cherry said...

Moi: Bang, bang!

Wendy: I think the chick with the drapes was trying to pull a Gone With the Wind (or The Sound of Music.)

Nikkie said...

i like the laura ashley get-up! reminds me of 1985....just missing the big puffy sleeves.