Word Verification

Sorry, folks. I know typing in those stupid gibberish words are annoying as all crap, but I'm getting spammed left and right, so I've added it. Sue me!*

*Please don't sue me. I'm getting out of debt and I'm on a budget right now.

And I don't like spam!

Questionable Decorating

Real people that don't live inside catalogs don't decorate like this. But wouldn't it be fun if they did???

Oh, dear. How are we ever going to camouflage this Airstream camper?

Wait! I've got it!

Perfect. Now no one will ever notice it...

Oh, honey, don't mind that huge crack in the wall. We can always hide under this gigantic pile of pillows if chunks of plaster start to fall off.

"F" stands for what. The FRICK.

Thisroomhassomuchgoingonmyhedmayasplode.

Oh, I forgot. This picture comes from the pages of the newest Hoarders Room Decor catalog.

Oh my stars. It's the Enchanted Forest of the Wrinkled Duvet Covers. Praise be.

My dearest darling,

I am writing this letter to tell you how intoxicating your love is. It is much like a summer breeze gently caressing the branches of a stooped willow tree. It is not at all unlike the way that one guy loved that one chick in The Notebook. Some might say our love is akin to a rushing flood and the world is a tiny beaver dam that the flood of our love is bursting through like so many twigs. O this love, I cannot contain - oh drat. I've gone and written on my bedsheets again. I've really got to stop writing love letters while I'm on Tylenol PM.

The matching gigantic boulder nightstand, dresser, and highboy really create a sense of harmony in this space. It was a good choice to move the bed into the shade, though, so as to avoid pesky afternoon nap sunburn. Now if you'll excuse me, the sun is setting, so I shall turn on my 14 bedside lamps and read for a bit.

More questionable decorating to come...

Awesome Vintage Advertisements: Enjoy!

“My, my, Susan, but you sure can thread a needle like a pro!”

“Why thank you, Donna. You should see me handle a ninja throwing star.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

Allow us to present this famous complexion authority. A baby holding a stuffed bunny. That’s right. Trust all your skin needs to this baby holding a stuffed bunny and you’ll never go wrong.

Yes, I feel exactly the same way about my vacuum cleaner as I do about the military man I’m pining away for. Forget the diamond, sweetie. When you come back from the war let’s celebrate by getting me that beautiful, big, sparkly Premier Vacuum I’ve always wanted!

In order to use Colman’s Self-Rising Flour, you must first arm yourself with a large shield, robe yourself in flag finery, grab the nearest curly-haired bull. Oh, and don’t forget the centurion helmet.

In this ad Wesson claims that their product is...

PURE
Okay, good. Pure is good.

DELICIOUS
I like delicious things.

VEGETABLE
Great. I need to eat more vegetables.

FAT
Wait, what?






“Everyone’s Choice”… particularly if you are a musketeer. Or a pirate. Or Inigo Montoya.

Awesome Vintage Advertisements: Part I Dunno

New vintage ads for your enjoyment.

"What are the wild waves saying?"

They're saying, "Shells can't talk, dummy!"

I think I'd look surprised and all screamy if my nose disappeared, too!

I don't think I'd like to play "Uncle Wiggily" with this guy. Wait, lemme check... nope, don't wanna play.

I just love ads that use Hitler propaganda to make a point.

Pepsi will help you torture your cat with Christmas decor. Yay!

I want you to look at the sled kid's face and then just imagine with me: he ate bran flakes right before zipping up into that snowsuit.

"Ice Cream for Health"?! Now THIS is a campaign I can get behind. Somebody get me one o' those colorful rubber bracelets to wear. Get me 3 of 'em.

Awesome Vintage Advertisements, Part I've Lost Count

More vintage silliness.

Fact: Not smoking Camels will instantly give you a gigantic screamy tiger head. Also, apparently, "Pleasure Helps Your Disposition." Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Okay... um. Am I the only one creeped out by the fact that there are COWS in this ad for SAWS? Why? Why, oh whyyyyyyyyyyyy the cows?!

*weeping*

*wailing*

*thrashing about wildly*

Yeah, ladies. Pipes r hott. Am I right or am I right? The dude looks like my uncle or something with that thing perched in his mouth. Well, not my uncle specifically, but someone's uncle. I'm willing to bet this guy lounges around the house in a silk robe and socks with garters.

"Neglect may lead to amputation--even death." You better take heed because if you get a cut on your neck, like this fella, and it gets infected they will have to amputate your head right off! And then where will you be, smarty-pants? Remember: Band-Aids save lives. And prevent decapitations.

A rare glimpse at an early precursor to the modern-day Wikipedia. Guaranteed to make your friends feel like total ignorant losers around you.

Be sure to wear your best suit, dress or striped boxer shorts while using equipment. Opera-length gloves, a monocle, stilletos and suspenders not required but strongly encouraged for best results.

Vintage Advertisements: Inappropriate Juice Drinks Edition

Here are some not-to-be-believed juice drink mixes from Pillbury's old line of Funny-Face Drinks.

I mean, wow. There's just not much to say here. Why does the Chinese Cherry have a bow on her single "hair"-stem? Are they supposed to be leaves? And what's up with the snaggleteeth? My favorite things on Injun Orange are his war paint and the little navel butt-chin.

Wisely, Pillbury eventually came out with new flavor names to replace these two and came up with Jolly Olly Orange and Choo-Choo Cherry.

Come on! That's terrible! Making fun of jolly people and trains?! Awful! And what about Loud-Mouth Lemon and Rootin'-Tootin' Rasberry? Some people just cannot control THE VOLUME OF THEIR VOICE! and others have embarrassing gas problems. They can't help it! Or Lefty Lemon? He was BORN that way! UGH! And I know my mom won't appreciate Freckle Face Strawberry, considering that she is entirely befrecked and also a natural strawberry blonde. I'm so disappointed in you, Pillsbury! What's next, huh? Um... like... "People Who Can Curl Their Tongues Tamarind"? "Pocked-Marked Pumelo?"

Thanks to Juicy Jules for the find!

Coming up, on Mystery Science Theater 3000...

The Attack... of the Disembodied Hair!!!

Ooo, creepy...

Here it comes! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Vote for Me at Humor Blogs!

What I DID Buy This Week: Vintage Clothing Spectacular

Margo started the "What I'm NOT Buying this Weekend" meme with the caveat that if you do express your God-given right to shop with actual money, to still post your purchases (with gusto!) so that others can live vicariously through you. Well, it was really, really hard but I took one for the team this week. I did it for you, people.

You're welcome.

Firstly, my family is going to the beach next month so I went bathing suit shopping and just lookit the cutie-pie bikini I found! It's distinctly Gidget-y on and quite fetching in person.

Yea! Glad that's over and done with.

Top: $48.00

Bottoms: $52.00

Not on sale... boo...

Then, I got a major itch to go thrift store shopping this week so I got some cream for that and then I went to my favorite place for retro threads, Bohemian Spirit Vintage. It's where I bought the amazing 1930's dress I'm wearing in my profile photo. I was looking for a black cocktail dress for a wedding I'm going to be in and not only did I find a great one but several other diamonds in the rough, too! I will post pictures of the black dress when it's finished being altered. Until then, here are the other gems I found!

Red Rose Dress

This dress is A. Mazing.
I'm going to shorten the sleeves, though, and give them a cuff.

And would you just look at the ridiculously gorgeous fan detailing on the placket!

$30.00
40% off

Blue Jersey Shirtwaist Dress

Think i might cuff the sleeves on this one, too.

$12.00

40% off

Silk Periwinkle Dress

It doesn't look like much yet because it's way too big and I'm going to have it tailored all 'round. Indeed, it's the only dress I was able to fit on my large dress form mannequin.


$16.00
75% off




Graphic Stripe Dress


Yeah, yeah, I know how hideous this dress is right now...


But look how chic and modern it will look once I rip the sleeves off!
I know... I'm a genius.


$10.00
50% off





FREAKIN' ADORABLE PURSE!


Look how fantastic the embroidery is.


$18
25% off

Sigh... it was a good week.

Awesome Vintage Advertisements, The Insanity Continues

A brand spankin' new load of crazy.

Proceed with caution. Ur hed may asplode.

"Make Shell Lamps, Shell Jewelry and Novelties." You may also send for the following free instructional booklets in our series:

"The Art of Macrame: Owls, Plant-Holders and Other Assorted Crap Projects No One Will Ever Want, Ever"

"How to Sell Your Tacky Junk Art at Flea Markets and Garage Sales"

"The Joy of Puff-Painting"

"Become a Crazy Cat Lady in 9 Easy Steps"

[this ad is dedicated to Julia D. ]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Absolutely not. And that is all I have to say about that.






What kind of dumbass keeps a handy bottle of poison in the medicine chest, right next to the cough syrup?

"If a Jelly Fish Could Slap a Rat in the Face," it would probably majorly piss the rat off and the rat would retaliate by gnawing off one of the jellyfish's tentacles. And then the jellyfish would sting the rat's mouth. Then the rat would be all, "Kung-fu chop, sucka!" and the jellyfish would get him back by lighting his tail on fire. The the rat would dress up as a girl jellyfish in order to distract the rat so he could drop a safe on his head. It would probably devolve from there into an all out Itchy & Scratchy-esque bloodbath.

Wait, what were we trying to sell, again?

"No Risk of Any Kind" - other than the risk of being mistaken for the Pope and being expected to absolve sins and say stuff in Latin and other Pope-y things the Pope does.

Also, this Pope guy seems to have a second strange earlobe underneath his regular earlobe. Ew.

My eyes! MY EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYES!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Oh, the exsquisite revulsion.

I'll be okay. I promise. Just give me a few... lifetimes.

Vote for Me at Humor Blogs!

Awesome Vintage Advertisements, Part VI

More freaky vintage funnies, fresh out of the oven...

It is? For real? Well for gosh sakes Doreen, how did I not know that? Couldn't someone have sent me a memo about this or something? I mean, if I'd only known... well, let's be honest... I still would have stabbed that waitress that brought me decaf instead of regular coffee... but I would have picked a better place to hide the body. I mean, good grief... throw a guy a bone here. But not a bone from that shallow grave I dug... heh, heh... get it? Bone? See, it's because her body's decomposing and-what? What'd I say? Sheesh, lighten up, Doreen. Somebody sure can't take a joke.

For the life of me I can't figure out where the postage meter comes into play.

Take heed, ladies. Your man will leave you if you get constipated. True story. Look at her. She's sad cuz she can't poo.

This ad is just incredibly disturbing...

Little help here? I'm stuck under this wash tub, guys. Somebody? Anybody? I think I may have some internal hemorrhaging and I can't be sure but I think I felt a rib break and puncture my spleen. Seriously.............. can't............. breathe............. lung............... collapsing................. noooooooooooooo.............. not like this............... (gasp)................ not.............. like this...................

How does this sell soap???

Yeah, they're having fun girl bonding time. You know... talking about tampons and periods and stuff. Later they're gonna prank call cute boys and play M.A.S.H. and have pillow fights and braid each other's hair. Man, it must be boring to be a guy. Talking about cars and guns and cheeseburgers and power tools and bugs and dirt and... wait! I like all of those things. Well, except for the last two. Dang. Being a girl sucks.

SOMEONE HELP THAT WOMAN!!!!!!! A GIGANTIC STEAK HAS FORMED A HUGE MOUTH AND IS ABOUT TO EAT HER ALIVE!!!!!!!!

The steak is all, "Nom-nom-nom-nom!"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!! THE HORROR. THE HORROR. (Okay, now I'm actually talking about her outfit).

And now... proof that anyone can look like Cousin It if they really want to.

Actually, I'm totally jealous cuz I wish my hair looked like that. Well... maybe not that last one. Her hair's looking a bit frizzy and listless. I think she may have an unhealthy addiction to her straightening iron. Possibly even a crimping iron, from the looks of it. Hel-LO! V8 Hot Oil Treatment needed. STAT!