Awesome Vintage Advertisements: Enjoy!

“My, my, Susan, but you sure can thread a needle like a pro!”

“Why thank you, Donna. You should see me handle a ninja throwing star.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

Allow us to present this famous complexion authority. A baby holding a stuffed bunny. That’s right. Trust all your skin needs to this baby holding a stuffed bunny and you’ll never go wrong.

Yes, I feel exactly the same way about my vacuum cleaner as I do about the military man I’m pining away for. Forget the diamond, sweetie. When you come back from the war let’s celebrate by getting me that beautiful, big, sparkly Premier Vacuum I’ve always wanted!

In order to use Colman’s Self-Rising Flour, you must first arm yourself with a large shield, robe yourself in flag finery, grab the nearest curly-haired bull. Oh, and don’t forget the centurion helmet.

In this ad Wesson claims that their product is...

PURE
Okay, good. Pure is good.

DELICIOUS
I like delicious things.

VEGETABLE
Great. I need to eat more vegetables.

FAT
Wait, what?






“Everyone’s Choice”… particularly if you are a musketeer. Or a pirate. Or Inigo Montoya.

Important Announcement...

I am officially changing my stance on pirates. Pirates suck.

I am now pro-ninja.

Thank you for your attention.

Check out Real Ultimate Power... if you dare.

Happy ITLAPD!!!!!!1!!

It be the day, mateys. "International Talk Like a Pirate Day." The day of all days. The day which causes all other days to cower in fear... or at least back up a half a step in slight disbelief and confused apprehension. And then trip over the curb they didn't see behind them.

For all things pirate and to learn more about ITLAPD, go here, if ye dare:

http://www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html

Pirates. Either you love 'em. Or hate 'em. Or you think they're just "okay."

If you hate pirates, there's a good chance that you love ninjas. You know... those ridiculous black PJ-wearing posers who are so insecure about their so-called assassin abilities that they actually, get this, hide their faces. As if. At least pirates have the where-with-all and gritty swagger to show their faces; scars, gold teef, salty beards, eye patches and all. I mean, that ain't a pretty picture. Would you want to be caught dead in public without your paper sack if you looked like this:

Sorry. I couldn't find my pictures from last year when I was a pirate for Halloween so I had to wing it. By the way, my Photoshop (read: Microsoft Paint, cuz I totally don't have Photoshop) skillz utterly PWN everyone else's. It's obvious from the masterpiece posted above.

Aaaaaaaaanyway... I showed up for our company Halloween contest in my pirate garb expecting it to be like any other normal day in which your coworkers dress up like complete doofuses and pretend not to be stuffed shirts. But I. Was in. For a shock.

I went to deliver something to another building in our complex when suddenly and without warning I came face-to-face with my sworn enemy. The receptionist was dressed [DUN-DUN-DUN!!!!!] as a dirty, dirty ninja. Ew. I said to her, in a dramatic fashion, "We meet at last," as I raised a menacing eyebrow. (It was the left one. The other one, not so menacing. My right eyebrow can be quite charming, actually. Tells a lot of good jokes at parties.) Ninja Lite looked at me as if I had just sprouted tiny little nose gremlins from within my nostrils and said gremlins were now swinging from my nose-hairs. She, apparently, was not aware of the fact that pirates and ninjas are mortal enemies engaged in an epic battle to prove who is tougher, who is scarier and who can eat more hotdogs in a hotdog-eating contest. (WINNER: pirates, by a long shot. Have you ever seen a fat ninja? No, you haven't. And that's because they're really careful about counting their carbs. Little known fact.)

In summary, ninjas are dumB. I like to pronounce the "B" on the end of dumB sometimes, by the way. I dunno, just a little thing I do. Pirates are awesome and no one can dispute this fact. I defy you to try. So don't fight it. Celebrate today! Drink some grog and eat some swill. Or is it the other way around? Anyway, get out there and buckle some dang swash! Don't get caught like this guy:

Don't become another statistic.