Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Happy ITLAPD!!!!!!1!!

It be the day, mateys. "International Talk Like a Pirate Day." The day of all days. The day which causes all other days to cower in fear... or at least back up a half a step in slight disbelief and confused apprehension. And then trip over the curb they didn't see behind them.

For all things pirate and to learn more about ITLAPD, go here, if ye dare:

Pirates. Either you love 'em. Or hate 'em. Or you think they're just "okay."

If you hate pirates, there's a good chance that you love ninjas. You know... those ridiculous black PJ-wearing posers who are so insecure about their so-called assassin abilities that they actually, get this, hide their faces. As if. At least pirates have the where-with-all and gritty swagger to show their faces; scars, gold teef, salty beards, eye patches and all. I mean, that ain't a pretty picture. Would you want to be caught dead in public without your paper sack if you looked like this:

Sorry. I couldn't find my pictures from last year when I was a pirate for Halloween so I had to wing it. By the way, my Photoshop (read: Microsoft Paint, cuz I totally don't have Photoshop) skillz utterly PWN everyone else's. It's obvious from the masterpiece posted above.

Aaaaaaaaanyway... I showed up for our company Halloween contest in my pirate garb expecting it to be like any other normal day in which your coworkers dress up like complete doofuses and pretend not to be stuffed shirts. But I. Was in. For a shock.

I went to deliver something to another building in our complex when suddenly and without warning I came face-to-face with my sworn enemy. The receptionist was dressed [DUN-DUN-DUN!!!!!] as a dirty, dirty ninja. Ew. I said to her, in a dramatic fashion, "We meet at last," as I raised a menacing eyebrow. (It was the left one. The other one, not so menacing. My right eyebrow can be quite charming, actually. Tells a lot of good jokes at parties.) Ninja Lite looked at me as if I had just sprouted tiny little nose gremlins from within my nostrils and said gremlins were now swinging from my nose-hairs. She, apparently, was not aware of the fact that pirates and ninjas are mortal enemies engaged in an epic battle to prove who is tougher, who is scarier and who can eat more hotdogs in a hotdog-eating contest. (WINNER: pirates, by a long shot. Have you ever seen a fat ninja? No, you haven't. And that's because they're really careful about counting their carbs. Little known fact.)

In summary, ninjas are dumB. I like to pronounce the "B" on the end of dumB sometimes, by the way. I dunno, just a little thing I do. Pirates are awesome and no one can dispute this fact. I defy you to try. So don't fight it. Celebrate today! Drink some grog and eat some swill. Or is it the other way around? Anyway, get out there and buckle some dang swash! Don't get caught like this guy:

Don't become another statistic.


Nicole Darr said...

I buckled some swash today and was badly injured. I don't think it's altogether good for the back.

Also, the left side of my face is contorted after saying, "Arrrh!" all day long.

I guess our bodies can no longer withstand pirate behavior. We've evolved, what can I say. I mean, America has been colonized, King Tut has been discovered, the iphone 3G has come out... it's a different world. Without pirates.