A Dear John Letter to Honeycomb

Dear Former Favorite Cereal,

We need to talk. I've been trying to figure out how to say this to you... so I guess I'm just going to say it, okay?

Look... you and I both know this isn't working out.

What?

Don't look so shocked. No, please... don't cry. It's not you, it's me.

Okay, okay... I admit it. I've met someone else. There. I said it. But don't get the wrong idea, okay? I was just innocently shopping at the grocery store the other day, preparing to pick up my usual box of, well, you. When all of a sudden, I felt the white-hot stare of another box, beckoning to me. There it was, on the shelf. Right next to you. All new... CHOCOLATE Honeycomb.

Look, it was on sale, so you can't really blame me, right? Okay... look, I'm sorry. I just couldn't help myself. I'm only human. A human who lurves chocolate. As soon as I tried Chocolate Honeycomb I was hooked like a psychotic cat on the 'nip. I've fallen helplessly in love with this new dark stranger. Hey, don't look so glum. Chin up there, chief. There are lots of other fish in the sea. Besides, I may just pick you up someday when I have a coupon.

Regretfully (sort of),

Me

P.S. If you break up with your tractor, is it called a John Deere letter?