Monday, May 18, 2009

Awesome Vintage Advertisements, Part I've Lost Count

More vintage silliness.

Fact: Not smoking Camels will instantly give you a gigantic screamy tiger head. Also, apparently, "Pleasure Helps Your Disposition." Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Okay... um. Am I the only one creeped out by the fact that there are COWS in this ad for SAWS? Why? Why, oh whyyyyyyyyyyyy the cows?!



*thrashing about wildly*

Yeah, ladies. Pipes r hott. Am I right or am I right? The dude looks like my uncle or something with that thing perched in his mouth. Well, not my uncle specifically, but someone's uncle. I'm willing to bet this guy lounges around the house in a silk robe and socks with garters.

"Neglect may lead to amputation--even death." You better take heed because if you get a cut on your neck, like this fella, and it gets infected they will have to amputate your head right off! And then where will you be, smarty-pants? Remember: Band-Aids save lives. And prevent decapitations.

A rare glimpse at an early precursor to the modern-day Wikipedia. Guaranteed to make your friends feel like total ignorant losers around you.

Be sure to wear your best suit, dress or striped boxer shorts while using equipment. Opera-length gloves, a monocle, stilletos and suspenders not required but strongly encouraged for best results.


Milk River Madman said...


Love the band-aid. My dad grew up in the Depression and if I got so much as a nick on me he would say, "better put some mecuricrome on that". I thought it was funny but when he as a young man, you could die from that stuff.

Also love how cool smoking was. I love the old baseball players in smoking ads. "We can smoke and play baseball".

Eric said...

Saw ad - I really really hope they are implying that these saws are to be
used to excessive horn growth, alternatives are too gross to contemplate.

The Webster's ad - why do these freaky people have so much
pestilence in their home???

Evercycle - At my gym, everyone is dressed to the nines.

Lidian said...

Boy, retro lifewas fraught with perils, was it not? Saws, scratches that could be fatal, dorks driving with lighted pipes clenched in their teeth...

And those cows are really very troubling, as you say. Also the tiger.

princessparkle said...

Second-hand smoke and diseased lungs are SOOO atractive!

I think the band-aid one and the saw one are related. If you don't treat your cut... you will turn into a cow that needs to be decapitated useing that saw.

obladi oblada said...

Slow cow death, human decapitiation and lusty smoking...these are awesome!

obladi oblada said...

I meant decapitation.

Dave said...

I have "Pipe Appeal"! Don't I?

Nan-Nan said...

The band-aid one is my favorite! Ahaha! That beats Mom saying "You could poke your eye out!" all to pieces!!!!

Shawn said...

That was the best random question they could come up with for that encyclopedia ad? You know, I'm not even entirely sure that butterflies DON'T fly around a lamp "as moths do".

Heather Cherry said...

Madman: Mecuricrome! Ha!

Eric: Oh man, I hadn't thought of that... *wincing*

Liddy: Dorks with pipes... LOL!

Sparkle: Heh, I think you may be right!

O/O: Thanks!

Dave: Of course you do, dear. Of course you do.

Mom: No doubt!

Shawn: I know, right?