Thursday, May 14, 2009

Fun with Catalogs in the Bathroom at My Office

Catalog copy can be fun to read. Maybe it reminds me of the J. Peterman stuff from Seinfeld. I don’t know. But there is some really ridiculous copy floating around out there. I found this catalog at work. It’s like a fancy-shmancy catalog of décor and gadget-y things for really nice houses. There are some interesting things to be read and seen in there. For example:

“Hey, kids! I’ve got a great idea! Let’s put on our church clothes and go out to the backyard and roast marshmallows!”

“Daddy, I’m cold.”

“Shake it off, honey. Shake it off.”

Check out the dull look in this guy’s eyes. What he’s thinking: I could stay awake, just to hear you breathin’… don’t wanna close my eyeeeeeeeeeees, don’t wanna faaaaaaaall asleep cuz I miss you baby, and I don’t wanna miss a thaaa-aaang!

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! I got you a fan! Can I have your Jag when you die?

“Others are mere angel hair compared to the World’s Thickest Noodle.” Well, hardy-har-har. This is the World’s Dumbest Product to Apply a Superlative To.

European Beanbags: Hip outdoor seating.” Paradoxically, it’s the squareness that makes them hip. And European.

“The drama of fire complemented by the soothing sound of water. Our sculptural masterpiece pays tribute to two earthen elements in one self-contained piéce de résistance.” More like piéce de cráp.

It looks like this guy is wearing a long white nightshirt. He doesn’t know whether to enjoy the hammock with his wife or declare “Bah, humbug.” Hey buddy, say hullo to Jacob Marley for me. Really bad photo composition on this one, methinks.

“We set out to create the greatest beverage tub on Earth—behold the impressive result.” Well, congratu-freakin-lations. But maybe you didn’t get the memo. It’s a BEVERAGE TUB.

Oh no? You didn't get the memo either? It’s a FAKE ARTICHOKE. Not a Ming Dynasty vase.


Quick note: for the next week I'll be on vacation with my family at the beach. Suck it - bwahahahaha! Just kidding. Anyhoo, I'll probably be a bit absent from the blerg but I'm setting up some posts to auto-publish while I'm frolicking in the sand. You know, to please the unwashed masses.

Miss me bunches! XOXO!


Hairball said...

Have fun on your trip!

Eric said...

Nice catalog, I've been looking for a fiery altar on which to make my Dionysic sacrifices...

umm, kidding.

Dave said...

Brilliant commentary! You outdid yourself on this one. [genuflects]

obladi oblada said...

Hmmm...I was a little frightened when I read your sounded a bit, well you know...anyway NOOOOOOOO I will miss you too much, you CAN NOT GO and thats final, missy. Just kidding, be safe and have all kinds of fun!!!!!!!

Heather Cherry said...

Hairball: Thanks! I'll try... just for you.

Eric: LOL.

Dave: Aw, shucks! The genuflecting was nice but really, the kneeling was completely unnecessary.

O/O: Holy crap, I seriously did NOT plan that. Aw, man I am such a dumbass. I will miss you, too, but I bet being on vacation on the beach will help me get over it. *wink*

shopgirl101 said...

Who doesn't need an Olympic torch in their backyard?! Have fun on vacation.

Heff said...

That was some good krapper reading material !

Lidian said...

Have a wonderful time!

Also, I really need a large fake artichoke for the backyard! (Just kidding...)

Heather Cherry said...

Brooke: Me, for one. I already have one. It's lovely.

Heff: Glad you liked it.

Lidian: I know just where you can get one! Hey, thanks! XOXO!

TROLL Y2K said...

An combination eternal flame and fountain would be a fun project to make, methinks. That one was fugly, but the idea is okay.

Shawn said...


That's it. I'm taking my blog down to the high school football field, setting it on a tee, and punting it through a field goal for failing to live up to your high standards.

Heather Cherry said...

Troll: One guess who your eternal flame would be in tribute to...

Shawn: Okay, your compliments are the greatest and most intricate compliments evar. In fact, I'm taking all of MY compliments and drowning them in my backyard fire fountain in abject humiliation for losing the awesome contest against your compliments.

Margo said...

Are people supposed to drink those beers? Or just worship? Have a fabulous time on your trip!

Funnyrunner said...

hope you're having a fabulous vacation! wahoo! I'm impressed that you know how to set it up for something to autopublish.

It looks to me like the guy in the hammock is saying: "can we have sex now, hon?" And the woman, with the far-off look in her eyes, is going: "yeah... no."