An Open Letter to Jack Bauer

An Open Letter to Jack Bauer



Dear Agent Bauer:

What's up with that ridiculous loud whispering-repeating-everything thing? When you're sitting at the dinner table and you need the mashed potatoes from the other side of the table, do you do this?

[loud whisper] "Please pass the mashed potatoes. I repeat... please pass the mashed potatoes!

[then crazy gravelly yell] "Son-of-a-bitch! I spilled the gravy. Chloe, I need you on com! Send a chopper to my location with more gravy. I'm sending my GPS coordinates to your screen."


Also when are you going to figure out... there's always a mole working for the bad guy! I mean come on! How many seasons of the same plot devices and you haven't nailed this down yet?


Seriously, though, with nothing but love for ya,

Me




Related...


Dear Fox Network:


There are only so many terrorist and kidnapping plots that one man can foil whilst going "dark" but then eventually being commended by the President before it gets kiiiiiinda boring. I officially cancelled "24" from my DVR. No hard feelings, k? It's been a good run, really it has.


Sincerely,

Me


P.S. I understand censorship and the need to keep things clean for primetime television and everything, but seriously... Jack Bauer is routinely tortured, almost dies, and basically loses or alienates everyone in his life while in the course of saving the country/world from impending doom. Do you honestly expect me to believe that the strongest language he uses is "Dammit!" or "Son-of-a-bitch!"? If I was an undercover drug runner hooked on heroin torturing the love of my life shortly after finding out the other love of my life was a Moley McMolerson and I had a nuclear warhead following me around like that little thundercloud follows Daffy Duck, I'd probably at least utter some of these: #@*****$@#!!! or oidthadfgxxxxxxxxxx!!!!!1 or even asdfsemicolon!!!!! I'm just sayin'...

OMG

This video has changed my life.

Do you hear me?

Changed.

My life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oavMtUWDBTM&feature=related




P.S. I have been AWOL because I am busy house-hunting and packing stuff in anticipation of selling my house.

Heather Cherry Comedy Roast

It's time for the Heather Cherry Comedy Roast of vacuum cleaners, whirlpools, black holes, straws, siphons, and Nickelback.

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You guys suck.

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The end.

Heather Cherry Comedy Roast of...

... Wiener Dogs!

Look at you, wiener dogs. You're so short. Yet so long at the same time. How does that even work? What's the deal with those tiny legs? Did someone chop them OFF while you're weren't looking? Pay a little more attention, wiener dogs. I mean, really.

You're so little but you think you're big and brave. For crap's sake, you fight badgers! Haven't you heard? Dooooooood... those things are, just totally... mean, evil little critters!

Why would you go up against these guys, huh? Come on. You have nothing to prove, wiener dogs. So quit showing off, srsly.

And what's with this nonsense? You dress up in ridiculous Mexican outfits? Tiny hats? What did I say about showing off?

Oh, hardy-har-har. A hotdog bun bed. How ironic and adorable. NOT!*

*Except it totally, totally is.

My little buddy, Deuce. Yep, my mom totally made that bun-bed up there.

Visit Carmen's blog for other weenie hijinks.

There's an App for that.

Apparently there's an App for everything.

I wonder if there's an App that helps you find out whether there's an App for something?

There should be.

Awesome Vintage Advertisements: Enjoy!

“My, my, Susan, but you sure can thread a needle like a pro!”

“Why thank you, Donna. You should see me handle a ninja throwing star.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

Allow us to present this famous complexion authority. A baby holding a stuffed bunny. That’s right. Trust all your skin needs to this baby holding a stuffed bunny and you’ll never go wrong.

Yes, I feel exactly the same way about my vacuum cleaner as I do about the military man I’m pining away for. Forget the diamond, sweetie. When you come back from the war let’s celebrate by getting me that beautiful, big, sparkly Premier Vacuum I’ve always wanted!

In order to use Colman’s Self-Rising Flour, you must first arm yourself with a large shield, robe yourself in flag finery, grab the nearest curly-haired bull. Oh, and don’t forget the centurion helmet.

In this ad Wesson claims that their product is...

PURE
Okay, good. Pure is good.

DELICIOUS
I like delicious things.

VEGETABLE
Great. I need to eat more vegetables.

FAT
Wait, what?






“Everyone’s Choice”… particularly if you are a musketeer. Or a pirate. Or Inigo Montoya.

Awesome Vintage Advertisements: Special Thanksgiving Edition

A Thanksgiving short story...

Gather 'round, kids, while I tell a story as old as the ages.

336 Thanksgivings ago a giant man ate all the pilgrims.

The End.

Happy Thanksgiving to all! Here's hoping a giant dude doesn't eat you and yours this holiday.

Awesome Vintage Advertisements: Important Military Biscuit Campaign

After much cajoling from my tens of ones of fans, I have returned with more vintage ads... fresh out da oven and piping mad.

Come quickly, men. The biscuits, they are just around this bend. Courage, men!

I see them! I see the biscuits!

They can take our cookies. They can take our shortbread. Heck, even our scones! But they'll never take... our biscuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well done, fellows. We procured the biscuits. Now let us have a celebratory smoke. Huzzah! Huzzah, I say!

Just a reminder: be sure and purchase war bonds and biscuits to support our troops.

The Deveel... he hath taken my soul.

Well, friends. I finally caved. I'm on Facebook. *hangs head in shame*

Since the inception of FB I have literally loathed it and swore I would never EVER join. I was known to regularly refer to MySpace and FB as "the devil". Then again, I used to think blogging was weird and Twitter was stupid. So there you go. I'm so evolved!

Anyhoo, you are all in luck because you can now be my friend on Facebook! OMG.

I fully expect you all to be throwing sheeps at me in short order.

Search heathercherryseaton

Meet Clover!

This is Clover, Snuggles' new sister! I adopted her this weekend from Mid-America Bully Breed Rescue in Kansas City, Missouri.

Clover was picked up with her brother/son, Romeo, as a stray in Des Moines, Iowa. She was pregnant but all her puppies were euthanized. :o( A soldier adopted this beautiful girl but when he was unexpectedly deployed to the Middle East she ended up back at the shelter. Eventually MABBR drove to Iowa and picked her (and Romeo) up for their adoption program. She went into foster care.

Snuggles and I drove up to Kansas City this weekend to meet her. Snuggles got to stay in his first hotel and everything. He was SUCH a good boy.

The first meeting with Clover couldn't have gone any better. She and Snuggles played for a solid two hours and had an absolute ball together. I knew then that she was the one. The perfect fit for our family. We brought her home with us. The entire 5 1/2-hour trip home the two babies snuggled together in the back of my car. Since then they have been total BFF's. They even went to the mall and bought matching necklaces that say "Best Friends" on them. They are so silly!

I am happy as a clam. As are my two babies.

Our first family portrait