Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Awesome Vintage Advertisements, They're Baaa-aaack

Note to self: Never, EVER use the word "stump" in the marketing of a product. In fact, just don't ever say the word "stump" for any reason... or "nub". And under no circumstances should the words "bloody" and "stump" or "nub" be used together. Although, "stump-nub" or "nub-stump" are perfectly fine and, I daresay, a bit charming.

There's a "Stammerers' Guild"? NO! No way. This is just too easy! Okay, I'll bite...
Hmmm... I wonder how long it takes to call their meetings to order or worse, pass a motion?...

"Who w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-will s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-second th-th-th-th-th-th-th-the

"I'll s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-second th-th-th-th-th-th-th-th-that m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-motion, M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-Mr. P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-Presid-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-dent."

"All in f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-avor s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s... aw, forget it!"

New scientific research brought to you by the highly respected medical journal, Duh magazine. All you gotta do is ditch that lame blazer and don a sporty sweater with conspicuous P on the chest and you'll blend in with all the cool kids! And don't forget your Trapper Keeper, chief. I've gotta say that I'm truly impressed with the detailed data provided here to back up the study. I guess you just have to take their word for it. Although, the person who wrote the ad apparently was too old to learn how to capitalize the beginning of all sentences.

Look at Mr. P Sweater. He seems to be grabbing Sally Sue's hindquarters there. And check out the couple in the background. They both look like they're getting handsy. Hey, you're never too old to have "needs."


Check out the chick whacking away at her stanky feet with a machete. Are you kidding me? That can't be sanitary.

*nervous twitch*

P.S. Corns have "roots"? Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.


I think that if you start talking things over with your headache, chances are that headaches aren't your biggest problem.

Look directly into my eyes. I... will KEEL you. Keel you until you are dead.


Steve sculpts critters said...

Don't punish your bottom to relieve your stomach.
And watch out for those pesky side effects like 'fatal events'.

Heather Cherry said...

In test subjects, "fatal events" were generally mild, including dying, being killed and keeling over without warning. Most subjects reported they weren't bothered enough by dying to stop taking the medication.

Terrier Lover said...

lol those are great. My mom used to have a coffe table that had a whole bunch of old classifieds and ads ... I have to admit they were very funny!!! The one about the corns was rather creepy!

Lidian said...

Those are spectacularly weird ads! LOVE them. Hard to choose which is my fave, but that girl attacking her corns with a knife - the Gordian-knot approach! - well, corns are not her biggest personal problem...

Heather Cherry said...

Yes, they are all just so weird and wonderful aren't they?