Tuesday, September 8, 2009

An Open Letter to my Dog

An Open Letter to my Dog

Dear Snuggles:

Please take note of the following...

No, I do not happen to find it cute when you decide to expel the contents of your special butt glands on the couch. Or my bed. Nor do I think it's adorable when you then go and plant the aforementioned butt upon my favorite unblemished pillow.

That's not another pit bull across the room that just happens to look exactly like you and coincidentally barks at you at the exact same time as you bark at him. That would be a mirror.

You might want to consider the fact that if you eat something odd, it's probably gonna feel odd coming out the other end, too. Don't eat sticks, rocks, shards of glass, sea anemones, or discarded syringes otherwise it's almost certainly going to feel a bit pokey the second time around. Don't say I didn't warn you.

The same goes for trying to eat the frog you found in the yard. There will likely be foaming at the mouth involved within seconds of getting hold of it.

Lastly, that one sticky-uppy ear, the eye patch and the ever-wiggly butt are incredibly endearing and yes, you may use those things to your advantage.



P.S. You are my most favoritest thing. Ever.


Margo said...

awww, maybe Snuggles needs his own room with a real bed with his own unblemished pillows? That gland business is the worst thing about dog ownership! No more frogs and syringes! Glad to see you back!

Lidian said...

So happy to see you back, Heather!

I feel the same way when our kitties sharpen their claws on wicker furniture, and on window frames - and leave hair elastics all over the house - but they are, like your adorable Snuggles, just too cute to stay mad at.

Hairball said...

Sorry Heather!

Candice said...

Ah yes, the sticky up ear would definitely get to me as well. So cute!

I'm just thanking God right now that humans don't have anal glands that need to be expressed. Otherwise I'd have no children...

Leeuna said...

Awwwh. He's adorable. Love the ears.

obladi oblada said...

I just love his little face so much. Discarded syringes? Oh my....Have I told you how glad I am that you are back?