A St. Patrick's Day Tribute to the Luckiest Little Clover I Know

When I happened upon this lonely little four-leaf Clover, she was wilted, trampled on, stomped over by life. A life she didn't deserve. A life that left scars.

But I picked her. I picked her because I knew she was special. I planted her in my home and nourished her with plenty of love.

And then, an amazing thing happened:

 

She grew into the most beautiful good luck charm.

 

At times a lovely, delicate flower…

…but with all the sass of a fiery Irish redhead!

  I will post Clover's full story sometime soon…

 

Happy St. Patrick's Day from Clover…
 

...and Snuggles, too!

What is smellier than Brussels sprouts being cooked?

Here is a very short list of things that might possibly smell worse than Brussels sprouts:

• For example, one of those situations we've all come across at one time or another, where a bum ate spoiled tuna fish, then threw up in a pair of old shoes he found in a dumpster, and then decided, screw it - I'm still gonna wear these shoes because, well, they're shoes. And they're better than what I've got... which is no shoes. You know... that old chestnut.
  
  
• Matthew McConaughey wearing an adult diaper.
  
  
• Satan's sweat after eating bad Mexican for a week straight.
  
  
• A pile of jock straps in the Green Bay Packers' locker room after Super Bowl XLV. Worse still: Brett Favre's jock strap. Cuz he's just gross.
  
  
• The breath of a Komodo dragon with halitosis.
  
  
• The seafood counter at a grocery store, having been abandonded after a nuclear holocaust.
  
  
• Maybe this?
  
  
  
  
• The big vat of old cooking grease out back of a Chinese restaurant. In 100-degree weather. In a Detroit slum.
  
  
• The big vat of old leftover pieces of stomach out back of a black market clinic... you know, one of those places that cuts out part of your stomach and then staples it so that you can only eat one grape at a time? Yeah, that.
  
  
• The "Bog of Eternal Stench" from The Labyrinth. AFTER David Bowie has thrown those pants in and tossed in some onions and garlic, stirred everything up real good, and made a nice stew out of it.
  
  
  
  
• Jonah, after being puked up by the whale.
  
  
• That stuff that comes out from between your teeth while you're flossing, if you saved it in a mayonnaise jar for a year straight, then buried it in a hole in your compost heap, then dug it up after another year and opened the jar to take a big whiff.
  
  
  
• A giant's butt crack at high noon. (I don't know what that means.)
  
  
• A bucket of chum past its expiration date.
  
  
  
• Rasputin's beard.*
  
  
  
  
• Tom Selleck's mustache. Just kidding. Tom Selleck's mustache should probably be knighted.
  
  
  
  
• A line of Porta-Potties outside a Phish concert.
  
  
  
• A hippie with a foot fungus standing in the middle of a sewage treatment plant in the middle of a cow pasture in the middle of a hog farm in the middle of a landfill.

Yeah, I know I pick on hippies. But in my defense, it's only cuz they're gross.

So here's my challenge to you: come up with the best and funniest description of the worst thing you ever smelled and leave it in the comments. I will put the best ones in a future post.

*Grigori Rasputin was one of the nastiest guys to have ever lived. He always reeked because he didn't bathe. His hair was always a greasy, matted mess. And his unkempt beard was often crusted with old chunks of food.

Reflections on Turning 30

Yes, ladies and germs, I am the big 3-0 today. I can hardly believe it. I'm not like a lot of people, who dread turning 30. I've actually looked forward to this. However, being 30 is not what I thought it would be. When I was younger, I always thought that by the time I turned 30 I would have arrived at the following:

-My first gray hair

-At least a wrinkle or two

-Marriage

-A stable career that I love

Well... these things have yet to happen. However, notwithstanding the last 2 items, I have had a great 30 years so far and hope to have at least 30 more!

Go me-e, it's mah birthday, go me-e it's mah birthday...

[SNUGGLES] Wigs for dogs.Yes, that's what I said. Dog Wigs.

Snuggles here. I was readeen Mom's post yesterday on my iPhone, the one wiff the dog in the George Washington wig and was so shocked and appawed I had to research the trend some more. Yes, trend. Because apparently there are a lot of these stinkin' tings around! Mommy will prolly be mad at me for dis but I have no problem telling you dat she almost buyed me a mullet wig at Target when dey was on clearance after Halloween. She's sick I tell you, sick! Anywayz, here are some pixes dat I found on teh internets of some fellow goggehs being tortured with faux coifs. IMO, dey are real, ahem, faux-paws.

OMG a dog in a Sarah Palin outfit. Stop da madness!!!1!2

Jamaica me puke wiff dis one, lolz.

Kill me now, peeples. Kill me now.

*face-paw*

We now interrupt your regularly scheduled program...

...to bring you this important bulletin.

What is UP with Bernie Madoff's hair? He looks like he should grace the front of a U.S. coin or something. All he lacks is a little ponytail with a bow.

In a related story, here is a dog in a George Washington wig.

Coming up, on Mystery Science Theater 3000...

The Attack... of the Disembodied Hair!!!

Ooo, creepy...

Here it comes! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Vote for Me at Humor Blogs!

R.I.P. Hair (In Memoriam)

If you're a dude and you read this blog you can tune out right about now. Else you might get pretty bored with this post of a decidedly girlie nature.

I decided recently to chop my hair off. Like, super short. I've had it like that before and it was so easy to take care of. Not at all like a baby or a dog. Or a baby dog. Or a George Foreman Grill.

So I straightened my hair for the first time since probably high school the other night so I could see how long it was. I measured it so I could see if I fit the qualifications to donate to Locks of Love. It's amazing how much curl can shorten one's hair. Turns out, my longest layer is over 12 inches long! Holy carp.

I never straighten my hair. 1) Because I like my hair naturally curly, 2) Because it takes forever to do, and 3) Because it freaking takes FOREVER TO DO. After almost an hour and a half of slaving over a hair dryer and large barreled curling iron I was reminded of just why I DON'T STRAIGHTEN MY HAIR. I briefly considered crimping it. But then I remembered that I don't own a crimping iron. Oh, well.

So here are the before pics of my curly hair. Then long and straight. Then shorter-than-crap.

This is my attempt at taking a picture of the back of my own hair.

Not the best angle, eh?

Wow, my face looks so emo or something. I suck at taking pictures of myself.