An Open Letter to the State of Arizona

An Open Letter to the State of Arizona

Dear Arizona:


What the crap? Why are you exempt from Daylight Saving Time? That is so unfair, State of Arizona. I, for one, am not a happy camper. This business of springing forward, falling back, hopping sideways, and skipping in circles is getting a little frigging old. And I will be hating my alarm clock with that little bit of extra fervor come Sunday. But you, Arizona? You’ll be happy as a clam, secure in the knowledge that 8 AM is still 8 AM and all is right with the world. Except for the part of the world that is springing forward! Lame!


Totally jealous of you,


Heather
Oklahoma, USA


cc: Hawaii

Snow Blizzard Ice Calamity of 2011

Take the snow, for example. Please.

As this crazy weather has gone on, we’ve begun to hear new weather terms on the news, which I suspect are just made up. A couple of them being “Thunder Sleet” and “Ground Blizzard”. Totally not real. So, being the helpful and awesome person that I am, here are some other dastardly weather phenomena you probably haven’t heard of, but might want to watch out for:

Slush Earthquakes

Hail Flurries

Snow Tornados

Icicle Storms

Snowdrift Tidal Waves

Cumulonimb-slush Clouds

Rainflakes

I'm sure there are other new weather thingies that could pose a threat; I just haven't made them up yet.

Two feet of snow

The other interesting thing that has developed is the media’s insistence that simply “The Blizzard and Snow and Such that is Currently Happening Here but Also Other Places” apparently doesn’t cut the mayo as a name for the blizzard and snow and such that is currently happening here but also other places, so they’ve taken to nicknaming the thing in order to give it a nicer or more menacing ring. For example, The Great Blizzard of 2011 or The Blizzard of the Century or The Blizzard of the New Millennium. My favorite from one of the local news stations is… wait for it… Winter Gone Wild! No, I'm not kidding. I guess the storm wasn’t satisfied with the destruction it has already caused, so now in an effort to get more attention, it has gotten with its college sorority sisters and allowed pervy men to video it and put the DVD’s on the internet. Have you no shame, Blizzard?

Some of the funnier names I’ve heard non-news people come up with include Snowpocalypse, Snowmageddon, and my favorite, Snowlonoscopy. Inspired, I came up with a few of my own:

Catast-snow-phe

Freezing Reign (of Terror)

Snow Day Melee

Ice Crisis

Winter Massacre

Plague of Precipitation

Dev-ice-station

Bobcat-aclysm

Curse of the Flurries

De-snow shovel-bacle

Icicle-bacle

Frozen Pipes of Doom

The Great Drift Disaster

State of Emergensleet

Salt Truck Havoc

The Scourge of the Dripping Faucets

Fiasc-snow

Bane of the Tire Chains

Snow Woes

Blight of the Unique Snowflakes


Got any to add?

Top Ten Failed Ideas for New Television Series

You may remember that there was a writers’ strike last year, which crippled the entertainment industry for months. As a result, many less-than-stellar new shows were considered for pilots. Here’s the short list of those that didn’t quite make the cut.

Top Ten Failed Ideas for New Television Series:

• Saved By the Bell: The Retirement Home Years
  
  
• Hell’s Angels’ Kitchen - Burly bikers display their softer sides by showing off their cookin' skillz.

• From the talented Animal Planet wildlife videographers that brought you Meerkat Manor, Orangutan Island, and Dark Days in Monkey City, keep an eye out for Sea Monkey City and the forthcoming spin-off series Ant Farm .
  
  

• And from the fine folks that brought you Date My Mom, and Who Wants to Marry My Dad?, tune in to Aunt Farm.
  
  
• Catch TLC's new hit decorating show... Trading Double Wides!

• New from Reality Show giant Mark Burnett: Survivor of Temptation Island’s Great Amazing Sack Race; a reality-show extravaganza where couples break up, eat bugs and compete in silly games like “Don’t Drop the Egg”, “Pass the Orange” and “3-Legged Races” with other potential suitors.

• Law and Order: Horse Cop Edition - No, it's not about the mounted police officers. It’s about the horses themselves and the crrrrrazy high jinx they get into.
  

• Also, with the recent popularity of mall cop movies, watch for Law and Order: Security Guard Unit.
  
  
• The OC - Stands for "The Oklahoma City". Follow bratty, privileged reservation teenagers from the 5 civilized tribes.
  
  

• Pimp My Walker - Senior citizens will love this new program, airing immediately between syndicated reruns of Matlock and Murder: She Wrote. Also briefly considered... Pimp My Hoveround.

Vote for Me at Humor Blogs!

Hip-Hop Puppy-Dawg

We had a weird late-March snow situation happening here this weekend. Oklahoma weather never ceases to amaze me. Here is Snuggles checking it all out. Note the silly little hop he does into the snow from the back porch.