Friday, February 4, 2011

Snow Blizzard Ice Calamity of 2011

Take the snow, for example. Please.

As this crazy weather has gone on, we’ve begun to hear new weather terms on the news, which I suspect are just made up. A couple of them being “Thunder Sleet” and “Ground Blizzard”. Totally not real. So, being the helpful and awesome person that I am, here are some other dastardly weather phenomena you probably haven’t heard of, but might want to watch out for:

Slush Earthquakes

Hail Flurries

Snow Tornados

Icicle Storms

Snowdrift Tidal Waves

Cumulonimb-slush Clouds


I'm sure there are other new weather thingies that could pose a threat; I just haven't made them up yet.

Two feet of snow

The other interesting thing that has developed is the media’s insistence that simply “The Blizzard and Snow and Such that is Currently Happening Here but Also Other Places” apparently doesn’t cut the mayo as a name for the blizzard and snow and such that is currently happening here but also other places, so they’ve taken to nicknaming the thing in order to give it a nicer or more menacing ring. For example, The Great Blizzard of 2011 or The Blizzard of the Century or The Blizzard of the New Millennium. My favorite from one of the local news stations is… wait for it… Winter Gone Wild! No, I'm not kidding. I guess the storm wasn’t satisfied with the destruction it has already caused, so now in an effort to get more attention, it has gotten with its college sorority sisters and allowed pervy men to video it and put the DVD’s on the internet. Have you no shame, Blizzard?

Some of the funnier names I’ve heard non-news people come up with include Snowpocalypse, Snowmageddon, and my favorite, Snowlonoscopy. Inspired, I came up with a few of my own:


Freezing Reign (of Terror)

Snow Day Melee

Ice Crisis

Winter Massacre

Plague of Precipitation



Curse of the Flurries

De-snow shovel-bacle


Frozen Pipes of Doom

The Great Drift Disaster

State of Emergensleet

Salt Truck Havoc

The Scourge of the Dripping Faucets


Bane of the Tire Chains

Snow Woes

Blight of the Unique Snowflakes

Got any to add?


Sarah and Chris said...

oh how I miss the shenanigans of the Oklahoma weathermen and their crazy words they came up with, this made me LOL at work. How about Snowpocalypse...........I heard that on the OKC radio the other day.

The Solipsist said...

It's dated, but we always liked Letterman's name for the Blizzard of '96 (or, as it was known back in NYC, THE BLIZZARD OF '96!!!!!): Hootie and the Snowfish.

Anonymous said...

Pretty good post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed reading your blog posts

Heather Cherry said...

Hey Ledge! Did you hear K and T got a puppy???

Solipsist: That sounds exactly like something Letterman would say. He probably said that it was snowing snowflakes the size of canned hams, too.

Heather Cherry said...

Thanks, Anon.