Top Ten Things I Collected as a Kid

I grew up in the 80's. It was a happy time to be a kid. We had great toys and the freedom to go outside and play without fear of the boogeyman. Here are some of the things I collected when I was little:

Lightning bugs

Photo credit: Jamie Harmon, uberphoto.com

Troll dolls

Lisa Frank stickers

Clover flowers to make daisy chains

Friendship pins

Barbies

Those plastic charm necklaces with the whistle, roller skate, baby bottle, abacus, etc.

Jelly bracelets

Cool rocks

Candy

(I literally collected it. I had a makeup case full of my favorite candy. But much of the time I refused to eat it. Why? Because then I wouldn’t have it any longer. To eat.)

What did you collect when you were little? What generation do you think had the best childhood?

Top Ten Signs You Are Addicted to Blogging

Top Ten Signs You Are Addicted to Blogging

1. You barely know any of your "friends'" real names because they are all using semi-anonymous blogger usernames. And referring to them in conversation can be a pain in the back, "I was commenting back and forth with 'Chick-a-Chick-a-Boom-Boom-Tally-Ho-and-So-on-and-So-Forth' the other day and she said the funniest thing!"


2. When something funny, strange, unbelievable or emotional happens, the first thing to come to mind is, "OMG I hafta blog about this!"


3. You do the happy dance everytime you log onto Blogger to find that you have a new Follower.


4. Your blog page takes a minimum of 14 minutes to load due to all of the crazy widgets you've added to your ever-growing sidebar.


5. You "drunk dial" yourself in the middle of the night while on Lunesta because you have suddenly come up with some great blog topics and don't want to bother with getting up to write them down. So you call your own voicemail only to wake up the next morning and find bizarre and cryptic messages like, "Captain's Log: Robots have taken over the refrigerator. Remember to grab the cheese before the mice join the crusade. Also, top ten list for silliest super glue uses."


6. You spend a minimum of 13.75 hours photoshopping stupid humorous photos for a specific post.


7. Anything anyone mentions in conversation can inevitably lead to your mentioning of the blog. "Strange weather we've been having lately, no?" "I know, right? I was just discussing that on my blog the other day."


8. You actually dream all night about reading and commenting on other bloggers' posts.


9. You have 27 different blogs just because you enjoy designing new layouts and graphics and you CAN'T STOP.


10. [your answer here... how do you know you're addicted to blogging?]
    

10 Tips For Keeping the Romance Alive

Now, I love romantic stuff. Don't get me wrong. But some ideas are just D-U-M-B. The following is someone's idea of a list of romantical thingies to do:

1. As your partner bathes, warm a towel in the dryer.

2. Next time you order a pizza, ask to have it cut into a heart shape.

3. Buy a copy of your partner's favorite childhood book. Read it to them in bed.

4. Give your partner a magic gift box. Every month place a new small gift in it.

5. Plant a tree, then on each anniversary, drink champagne next to it and talk with your partner about how your love and the tree have grown.

6. Put an artificial rose in the center of 12 real ones. On a card, write: "I will love you until the last rose fades."

7. Give your partner a push on a swing set. This can bring back happy memories.

8. Go for a walk on the beach. Trace out the shape of a large heart in the sand. Sit inside it an [sic] cuddle.

9. Photocopy your hand and fax a copy to your partner with a message: "Do you wanna hold hands?"

10. Take your partner on an umbrella-free walk in the rain. Jump in the puddles.

Boy, if I had a nickel for everytime that list contained the word "partner"... well, I'd have about 7 nickels!

My friend Patrick is one of the funniest people I know and he wrote up a new list for your enjoyment. So without further ado, I give you Dr. J. Patrick Crain, Esquire, Guest Blogger Extraordinnaire! And his Top Ten Tips for Totally Killing the Romance:

1. As your partner bathes, throw a warm toaster in the tub.

2. Next time you order a pizza, ask the pizza man to cut out the heart of your nagging significant other.

3. Kidnap a child off of the black market. Make it mow the lawn for your partner.

4. Give your partner a magic set. Then tell them that you find magicians creepy.

5. Plant a tree, then on each anniversary, drink Lost Lake beer next to it and talk with your partner about the stunning resemblance between his or her face face and the bark of the tree.

6. Buy your partner a coupon for $10 off your next artificial insemination.

7. Give your partner a push on a swing set. After you have loosened the links so that your partner will sail through the air and onto the nearby freeway. Which could bring back happy memories.

8. Go for a walk on the beach. Make sure your partner is barefoot so they will step on the discarded needles. This works especially well on Venice Beach.

9. Photocopy your hand and fax it to your partner. Prepare yourself for all hell breaking loose as your partner will more than likely get fired for wasting company time and money. All because you're a wuss. And a non-clever one, at that.

10. Take your partner on an umbrella-free walk in the rain. And then watch how fast pneumonia puts the kibosh on things.

Top Ten Songs on My 80's Playlist - Part Deux

1. Open Arms - Journey



2. Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now - Starship



3. Rosanna - Toto



4. After the Love is Gone - Earth, Wind and Fire



5. Almost Paradise - Ann Wilson and Mike Reno



6. Alone – Heart



7. Love Story – The Cure



8. The Promise – When In Rome



9. Every Time You Go – Paul Young



10. I Want Your Sex – George Michael

*Catch Part One here.

Top Ten Failed Ideas for New Television Series

You may remember that there was a writers’ strike last year, which crippled the entertainment industry for months. As a result, many less-than-stellar new shows were considered for pilots. Here’s the short list of those that didn’t quite make the cut.

Top Ten Failed Ideas for New Television Series:

• Saved By the Bell: The Retirement Home Years
  
  
• Hell’s Angels’ Kitchen - Burly bikers display their softer sides by showing off their cookin' skillz.

• From the talented Animal Planet wildlife videographers that brought you Meerkat Manor, Orangutan Island, and Dark Days in Monkey City, keep an eye out for Sea Monkey City and the forthcoming spin-off series Ant Farm .
  
  

• And from the fine folks that brought you Date My Mom, and Who Wants to Marry My Dad?, tune in to Aunt Farm.
  
  
• Catch TLC's new hit decorating show... Trading Double Wides!

• New from Reality Show giant Mark Burnett: Survivor of Temptation Island’s Great Amazing Sack Race; a reality-show extravaganza where couples break up, eat bugs and compete in silly games like “Don’t Drop the Egg”, “Pass the Orange” and “3-Legged Races” with other potential suitors.

• Law and Order: Horse Cop Edition - No, it's not about the mounted police officers. It’s about the horses themselves and the crrrrrazy high jinx they get into.
  

• Also, with the recent popularity of mall cop movies, watch for Law and Order: Security Guard Unit.
  
  
• The OC - Stands for "The Oklahoma City". Follow bratty, privileged reservation teenagers from the 5 civilized tribes.
  
  

• Pimp My Walker - Senior citizens will love this new program, airing immediately between syndicated reruns of Matlock and Murder: She Wrote. Also briefly considered... Pimp My Hoveround.

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Top Ten Songs on My 80's Playlist

1. Drive – The Cars
   
   
2. Careless Whisper – Wham!
   


3. True – Spandau Ballet
   


4. Billie Jean – Michael Jackson
   


5. Keep Me Hanging On – Kim Wylde
   


6. Africa – Toto
   


7. Hard Habit to Break – Chicago
   


8. Never Gonna Give You Up – Rick Astley (No, I’m totally not joking.)
   


9. Easy Lover – Phillip Bailey/Phil Collins
   


10. Time After Time – Cyndi Lauper
    
    
    *After totally stressing out over what to put on this list I decided the only thing that will make me feel better is doing a “Top Ten Songs on My 80’s Playlist: Part 2” at some point.

Top Ten Songs I Never Want to Hear EVER Again... Please?

In no particular order:

1. “I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)” by Meat Loaf



2. “You’re Beautiful” – James Blunt



3. “Macarena” by Los Del Rio *



4. “Love Story” by Taylor Swift



5. “Theme from the Greatest American Hero (Believe it or Not)” by Joey Scarbury



6. “Tubthumping” by Chumbawamba



7. “Lips of an Angel” by Hinder



8. “YMCA” – Village People *



9. “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” by The Proclaimers

* Note: having annoying choreography that goes with your song can, in most instances, get you an automatic submission in this category.

Yeah, it's an eclectic list, covering several decades but hey, that's me. I'm eclectic. Eclectic is my middle name. Actually, Cherry is, hence the name of my blog and all that.

I didn't put a number 10, so... what song do you think belongs on this list?

A free t-shirt. I can die now.

I took my dad to an NBA game last night. I didn't take Mom because she hates the squickety-squeak-squeak-SQUIIIIIIIIIICK noises the players' sneakers make on the court. My mom cracks me up. She has the strangest pet peeves. If you don't believe me see my post on the Top Ten Things that Creep Her Out. In addition, she hates those Charles Schwab commercials with the freakishly realistic cartoon people. She can't stand "Old Lady Perfume." And she is deathly afeared of spiders. That last one is really weird, I know. Oh, also wreaths on car grills at Christmas time really annoy her. Aaaaaaand she thinks Beyonce is "just a big ol' nuthin'" (she likes to point this out every single time she sees her on TV. Without fail.) My mom is so awesome.

So Dad and I went on a father-daughter outing to the Thunder/Jazz game. It was fantastic because my boss gave us his tickets to use, so we were on like the 7th row. By the way, do you guys know how tall NBA players are? They're really tall. And the court looks surprisingly small up close. But maybe that's just cuz of the tall players dwarfing everything else.

During timeouts the obligatory launching of free t-shirts via compressed air-gun would begin and people would start frantically waving their arms to catch the attention of the Powers That Be... Givin' Out T-Shirts. Which brings me to my point. Why. On earth. Do people freak out so much over a dang t-shirt? Seemingly normal adults turn into crazed maniacs, tackling small children and senior citizens in order to get their chance.

What. Is the big frikkin' deal? They're always like quintuple XL anyway. I mean, I suppose you could stuff a blanket into one and use it as a duvet cover on your guest bed. Or perhaps reupholster a couch. I dunno. I just DON'T get it. Maybe it's just me.

Top Ten Things That Creep My Mom Out

If you are around my mom for any length of time, you will inevitably hear her say the following phrase, "That/He/Those creep(s) me out!" It's always an adventure to find out what creeps my mom out. Sometimes I play a game and try to discover new things that creep her out. I'll see something I suspect to be a creep-inducer for Mom and I'll call her and say, "Hey Mom, how do you feel about [fill in the blank]?" and 99% of the time the immediate response is, "Oh, they creep me out!" and I dissolve into a fit of giggles because I know her so well.

So, what follows is by no means a comprehensive list but it does cover the main points. Ladies and gents... the Top Ten Things That Creep My Mom Out:

• Garden gnomes. This includes the "Roaming Gnome" from those TV commercials.
  

• Also, apparently, it includes small elfin statues that only slightly resemble gnomes... if you squint hard enough.
  

• The helpful paperclip guy from Microsoft Word. Mom especially hates it "when he raises his eyebrow at me! Ew!" Please note, my dad is also creeped out by said paperclip dude.





• The "zoom-zoom" kid from the Mazda commercials. Huh?

• Those wind-filled tube-shaped dudes that direct you toward a particular business. Are these things actually supposed to work as far as a marketing technique? I mean, I know for me, when I see a crazy gyrating air-filled tube I immediately purchase whatever product or service is being advertised. Even if it's an automatic kitten-killing machine. What? I can't help it. I'm helpless against the Sky Dancer's charm! That's what they're called, by the way, I have found out. Also known as a Tube Dancer. Fun fact.

• That Mucinex mucus blobby guy. I kinda think he's cute, myself. And I love the gloopy way he walks, leaving mucus-y footsteps everywhere. I find it rather charming.

• The Burger King king. In Mom's defense, I hate that guy, too. The ginormous perpetually smiling plastic face? Kinda reminds me of Joan Rivers. Dude. Creepy.

• And speaking of ginormous plastic-headed fast food eatery mascots, she also hates the Jack In The Box clown.

• Those huge inflatable gorillas that sit in front of car dealerships or on top of buildings. Oft seen in blue, orange or purple. You know... for the realism factor.

• That annoying dancing old guy that's not really old from the Six Flags commercials. I. Hate. That guy. He doesn't so much creep me out as give me a very strong urge to throw a brick through the TV. I would seriously rather sit through an entire Phish concert than listen to 30 seconds of that obnoxious song they play when the guy starts dancing.

So... inquiring minds want to know...

What random things "creep you out"?

Fallish

Oh, man I love fall! There's that crisp smell and slight bite in the air. Just enough of a coolness to toss on a light jacket and pull out your boots again. Something about fall makes me feel alive. I've always loved it.

With that, I've composed a list of the Top Ten Things to Do in the Fall:

1. Wear fingerless gloves and pretend you're a hobo.


2. Jump in a pile of leaves.


3. Do stuff that is cool.


4. Smell the fresh air.


5. Do neat things.


6. Listen to the wind rustling the dead leaves in the trees. Then get all emo and stuff because the leaves have died. Go home and journal about the sad fate of the leaves.


7. Do some really fun and neat stuff.


8. Do things that are cool.


9. Step on a crunchy leaf and savor the satisfying *SQWUNCH* it makes. Ponder the fragility of life.


10. Read this article about fall, from the Onion: Fall Canceled After 3 Billion Seasons

Go out and enjoy the first official day of fall!!!