Thursday, March 31, 2011

An Open Letter to My Dogs

An Open Letter to My Dogs


Dear Snuggles and Clover:


Good gravy, what in the world did you two eat? Are you even aware that your farts can penetrate Kevlar? The next time I need to sandblast something I'll just bottle some of your abominable flatulence. You have a permanent fog hovering around you like Pigpen from Peanuts. I no longer have any nose hair. Your farts can peel varnish and dissolve acid. True story, I once saw a pit bull fart make Chuck Norris cry. The smell is so bad my eyes are watering and my nose is running. And by "my nose is running" I mean, like, my nose literally jumped off my face and ran away in fear and revulsion. It went into the Witness Protection Program and now I'll never find it. The fallout is truly heinous. The blast radius is the width of a city block. I now have a new theory for what killed off the dinosaurs.


With nothing but love for you (but not your gas),

Heather



Our bad.

6 comments:

Sarah and Chris said...

has your mom been feeding them her brussel sprouts perhaps??

obladi oblada said...

Nut LOOK at those faces!

Heather Cherry said...

Ledge - Oh my gosh, you're probably right, lol.

O/O - I know!!! Those faces just kill me.

Speedy Lady said...

You are a hoot! I'm looking forward to reading more of your posts. I'm also going to send my niece your way. She is a lover of pit bulls and an advocate.

Heather Cherry said...

Thanks, Speedy Lady!

Paul Flores said...

Look at them, they KNOW they killed most of the wildlife in the area through their pit pollution...