Saturday, March 14, 2009

An Open Letter to the Squirrels Living in My Attic


An Open Letter to the Squirrels Living in My Attic

Dear Squirrels:

Seriously? It's been, like, 3 years and you're still up there? You're really acting like buttholes. Please go away. I hate you.

Warmest regards,

Me

P.S. You're annoying the crap out of my dog.

8 comments:

Out on a Limb said...

I just found your blog from a link on Homemade Hilarity. I've thoroughly enjoyed reading the entire thing..lol. Your take on Strawberry Shortcake was hysterical. And that little gem hidden in there where you said, "I see that hand brother...God Blesha." Yes, it hearkened back to my childhood days in the southern baptist church I grew up in. And the soundtrack to that sentence would totally be "Just As I Am" or "I Surrender All."

Anyway, just wanted to let you know I loved reading your blog!

Lidian said...

Those squirrels need to pack up their little nuts and go! The lease is up. And there wasn't even a lease in the first place! Seriously, that sounds awful - they need to find a nice tree, far from your house.

Is there someone you can get in to get them out of there? (I don't know anything about this, can you tell?)

Heather Cherry said...

Out on a Limb: High-five, sister! Those songs deFINED my childhood. I knew all the Christians in the house would get that "raised hand" joke. Glad you enjoyed reading! Also, 3 cheers for black and white terriers! Woot. :o)

Lidian: LOL, now I'm picturing the squirrels with tiny squirrel suitcases and placing all of their worldly possessions (read: nuts) inside. That. Would be. So. Cute! And yeah, there's a guy in town I could hire who brings his dog over and sets him loose to catch the McSquirrelysons but A. It's really freaking expensive. Like, obscenely so. And B. I could always just let Snuggles get after them but he weighs 50 pounds and I can't see how I'd get him up that freaky folding ladder thingie.

Shawn said...

*crumples "open letter to rats living in the basement" and tosses it into the trash*

moi said...

Oh Lord, don't get started on the squirrels. It was a bomb fest last year on my blog: http://bitetheapple64.blogspot.com/2008/07/today-is-good-day-to-die.html

obladi oblada said...

Ha! I remember those song well! I still go to a baptist church, but we havent sang those in a very long time!

We have annoying birds nesting in our eaves by our bedroom window and they are making me nuts.

Heather Cherry said...

Shawn: HaHA! Take that, my worthy foe!
Moi: LOL, Martha's reflexes go to 11... of course they do. I'll bet the knobs on her stove do, too. I thoroughly enjoyed reading through the squirrel war saga. All of those aliases and new blogs, holy crab. Too bad really about the Louboutins, though. Am I the only one who's ever wanted to take a red paintbrush to the bottoms of a random pair of stilettos?
Obladi: Every now and then we'll bust out an old hymn or two at church and it's good times.

Julia D said...

Don't hate...fumigate!