Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Announcement: Have you guys heard about this "library" thing?



Yeah, so I haven't been to the public liberry since high school. Which is sad. Because I love books. But I just usually buy them and add to my collection rather than checking something out. But thanks to my sister-in-law, Christy, I was reminded that libraries with unlimited free books still exist! (Thanks, Sis.)

Anyway, some of you know that last fall I went back to school to complete a degree in Spanish Translation and Interpretation. So I have to do this big project in one of my classes about gauchos. No... not the pants, dummy. The Argentine cowboys.


I stopped by the liberry to pick up some research materials on the way home from work and it was so exciting! I'm such. A. Dork! I forgot how great the library can be. So many cool books and I wanted to check so many out but knew I'd never have the time to read all of them in a 2-week period.

On the way out I picked up a brochure about library policies and found it pretty interesting. Here are some of the things you'll want to keep in mind the next time you're there:
  • No firearms or dangerous weapons (except MLS authorized security officers). That would be "Metropolitan Library System" authorized security officers. No. Way. They have armed library 5-0? Do they carry guns, do you think? Or tasers? Or large staplers?

  • No disruptions such as loud talking, screaming, crying, banging on computer keyboards, etc. Sheesh. Sounds like a psych ward, not a library.
  • No communicable diseases, contagious illnesses, lice or other body or article infestation. Don't be bringin' yer dang cooties in this here liberry. Seriously, though. Body infestation? *gross*

  • No using restrooms for bathing, shampooing or doing laundry. Really? How do you explain the convenient travel-size soaps, complimentary shower cap and tiny bottles of shampoo-and-conditioner-in-one? Hmmmmmm?

  • No entering the library barefoot, without a shirt, with wet clothes, offensive body odor or personal hygiene. What do you expect if you won't let me use the bathroom to take a flea bath or do my wet laundry? I mean, be reasonable.

  • No entering unauthorized workspaces, docks or back alleys. Okay, that sounds kinda shady. Back alleys? Docks? I'm here to get books, not hide a dead body for the mob.

  • No bringing items that take up an excessive amount of space. Crap. I guess I'll have to leave my iPod Shuffle at home.

  • No prolonged or chronic sleeping or lying down. Is Chronic Lying Down an actual condition? What about Chronic Bending Over? Or Chronic Sitting Cross-Legged? Chronic Yoga Posing?

I'm going back tomorrow to check out a copy of Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret. and this month's Highlights magazine. I wonder if they have back issues of Cat Fancy...

I'll peruse the card catalog after I finish my load of whites.

12 comments:

Shawn said...

They still publish Highlights? Interesting. I love the way the library smells. Sometimes I just go in there and smell a book for hours.

Related: I'm banned from the local library for a period not less than one year.

Heather Cherry said...

This is probably a good time for me to mention that they also don't allow extended book-huffing.

moi said...

I hate going anywhere unarmed, but concede for library visits because those librarians, well, let's just say the ones in my 'hood have perfected the Death Stare. Who needs Smith and Wesson when you can kill with a glance?

Jess said...

This is hilarious! Makes me want to head over to my local library and start some trouble.

Heather Cherry said...

Moy: The liberrians were really nice yesterday. They didn't shush me even once!

Jess: Thanks! But don't tell them I sent you. I wouldn't want to get a rep.

Lidian said...

Well, aren't they bossy? I guess I would have to be on my best behavior, because the screaming, crying and banging on the computer keyboard? Hey, that's just me downstairs writing a post!

And I guess I will have to find somewhere else to do the laundry.

I love the image of the security detail wielding giant staplers!

Your posts are so much fun to read, I am so glad I found you and your blog! :)

Heather Cherry said...

*blush*

I take that as high praise coming from you, Liddy. I'm glad I found you and YOUR blog.

:o)

obladi oblada said...

Awww libraries. I love going in there and just wandering around, not knowing what I want to look at first. I get mistaken for a homeless person sometimes....especially when I lie down chronically and scratch my head lice, if theyd only let me take a shower...

Heather Cherry said...

I know, right?

~Christy said...

Great post sissy!!! Librarys ROCK!!

Hairball said...

How do I get my library to put in some washers? I want to be a multitasking fool before I get tossed out for loud talking, screaming, crying, banging on computer keyboards, shedding lice, and waving my firearms around.

Heather Cherry said...

Hang on, I'm contacting some senators about that...