Announcement: Have you guys heard about this "library" thing?

Yeah, so I haven't been to the public liberry since high school. Which is sad. Because I love books. But I just usually buy them and add to my collection rather than checking something out. But thanks to my sister-in-law, Christy, I was reminded that libraries with unlimited free books still exist! (Thanks, Sis.)

Anyway, some of you know that last fall I went back to school to complete a degree in Spanish Translation and Interpretation. So I have to do this big project in one of my classes about gauchos. No... not the pants, dummy. The Argentine cowboys.

I stopped by the liberry to pick up some research materials on the way home from work and it was so exciting! I'm such. A. Dork! I forgot how great the library can be. So many cool books and I wanted to check so many out but knew I'd never have the time to read all of them in a 2-week period.

On the way out I picked up a brochure about library policies and found it pretty interesting. Here are some of the things you'll want to keep in mind the next time you're there:

• No firearms or dangerous weapons (except MLS authorized security officers). That would be "Metropolitan Library System" authorized security officers. No. Way. They have armed library 5-0? Do they carry guns, do you think? Or tasers? Or large staplers?


• No disruptions such as loud talking, screaming, crying, banging on computer keyboards, etc. Sheesh. Sounds like a psych ward, not a library.

• No communicable diseases, contagious illnesses, lice or other body or article infestation. Don't be bringin' yer dang cooties in this here liberry. Seriously, though. Body infestation? *gross*


• No using restrooms for bathing, shampooing or doing laundry. Really? How do you explain the convenient travel-size soaps, complimentary shower cap and tiny bottles of shampoo-and-conditioner-in-one? Hmmmmmm?


• No entering the library barefoot, without a shirt, with wet clothes, offensive body odor or personal hygiene. What do you expect if you won't let me use the bathroom to take a flea bath or do my wet laundry? I mean, be reasonable.


• No entering unauthorized workspaces, docks or back alleys. Okay, that sounds kinda shady. Back alleys? Docks? I'm here to get books, not hide a dead body for the mob.


• No bringing items that take up an excessive amount of space. Crap. I guess I'll have to leave my iPod Shuffle at home.


• No prolonged or chronic sleeping or lying down. Is Chronic Lying Down an actual condition? What about Chronic Bending Over? Or Chronic Sitting Cross-Legged? Chronic Yoga Posing?

I'm going back tomorrow to check out a copy of Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret. and this month's Highlights magazine. I wonder if they have back issues of Cat Fancy...

I'll peruse the card catalog after I finish my load of whites.