Awesome Vintage Advertisements, Part VII

These ads are from our more recent past. But that doesn't make them any less redonk. In fact, I daresay it makes them even more disturbing.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG WHY ARE WE LAUGHING?! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know. I'm actually a Sprite fan.

My face hurts.

Dude, give it up for totally awesome mustaches!

Aaaaaaaaaaaand hats! Don't forget hats!

YEAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We rule. Let's start a cool club where we all wear matching shirts!

(Is the guy in the bottom left corner wearing some sort of lederhosen getup? Or maybe he's going parachuting later.)

Okay, so the copy in this ad uses the word GREAT or GREATEST 6 times. I guess Eleganza (nice) wanted their customers to know that when they put on this suit, they would look sooooo great. And by "great" I mean "like a total jackhorse who should never be allowed in public." The specs note that the collar lapels are NINE INCHES LONG. Dude, I've stood in DMV lines shorter than those things.

This girl is bathing in a pink barrel because "PINK IS FOR GIRLS" and because she found the shower in her Airstream camper to be too roomy. Please explain to me why she is using the phone as a loofah? Doesn't she realize that's an electrocution hazard?

(Mel, this one is especially for you!)

I'm not sure why I like this one. Maybe because it makes me think of that Jay-Z song. Or maybe it's because I think that crazy-eyed chick looks like Donald Trump with a ponytail. Or maybe it's the hep swingin' cats in the background.

I truly don't know where to start with this pimptastic piece of awesomeness. It's as if someone said, "Hey, look! A full-length faux mink coat!" and they all turned to see. The shirt on the far left actually has a chest hair and medallion-baring apparatus built in. No bothersome unbuttoning necessary. I think they had to give him that hat so that he would be tall enough not to ruin the shortest to tallest concept of the shot. I can't decide if the middle guy's shirt is untucked or if there is some sort of tie/sash thing dangling down. Either way... just... no. And the shoes of the guy on the right. It looks like Adidas tried to make Pee-Wee's shoes from that bar top dancing scene in the Big Adventure movie. My head is going to explode with jokes if I keep looking at this picture so I'm just going to stop.

I love how it even comes with a fake antennae to stick on your car. If you’re going to be an idiot poser you may as well be thorough, right? And get this, you can carry it in your attaché case. Do people even carry attaché cases anymore? I’m going to check my handy pocket encyclopedia. Crap! I left it in my pocketbook. Back at the homestead. On the victrola.

Join that “special” group. The special one that rides the short schoolbus.

While I’m at it I’m going to start carrying around faux bars of gold and big burlap sacks with “$” printed on them, even though all that’s inside is shredded newspaper. Ha-HA! I’ve fooled you, fools!