Awesome Vintage Advertisements, Part VI

More freaky vintage funnies, fresh out of the oven...

It is? For real? Well for gosh sakes Doreen, how did I not know that? Couldn't someone have sent me a memo about this or something? I mean, if I'd only known... well, let's be honest... I still would have stabbed that waitress that brought me decaf instead of regular coffee... but I would have picked a better place to hide the body. I mean, good grief... throw a guy a bone here. But not a bone from that shallow grave I dug... heh, heh... get it? Bone? See, it's because her body's decomposing and-what? What'd I say? Sheesh, lighten up, Doreen. Somebody sure can't take a joke.

For the life of me I can't figure out where the postage meter comes into play.

Take heed, ladies. Your man will leave you if you get constipated. True story. Look at her. She's sad cuz she can't poo.

This ad is just incredibly disturbing...

Little help here? I'm stuck under this wash tub, guys. Somebody? Anybody? I think I may have some internal hemorrhaging and I can't be sure but I think I felt a rib break and puncture my spleen. Seriously.............. can't............. breathe............. lung............... collapsing................. noooooooooooooo.............. not like this............... (gasp)................ not.............. like this...................

How does this sell soap???

Yeah, they're having fun girl bonding time. You know... talking about tampons and periods and stuff. Later they're gonna prank call cute boys and play M.A.S.H. and have pillow fights and braid each other's hair. Man, it must be boring to be a guy. Talking about cars and guns and cheeseburgers and power tools and bugs and dirt and... wait! I like all of those things. Well, except for the last two. Dang. Being a girl sucks.

SOMEONE HELP THAT WOMAN!!!!!!! A GIGANTIC STEAK HAS FORMED A HUGE MOUTH AND IS ABOUT TO EAT HER ALIVE!!!!!!!!

The steak is all, "Nom-nom-nom-nom!"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!! THE HORROR. THE HORROR. (Okay, now I'm actually talking about her outfit).

And now... proof that anyone can look like Cousin It if they really want to.

Actually, I'm totally jealous cuz I wish my hair looked like that. Well... maybe not that last one. Her hair's looking a bit frizzy and listless. I think she may have an unhealthy addiction to her straightening iron. Possibly even a crimping iron, from the looks of it. Hel-LO! V8 Hot Oil Treatment needed. STAT!

Mute Monday Topic: Secretariat

Hip-Hop Puppy-Dawg

We had a weird late-March snow situation happening here this weekend. Oklahoma weather never ceases to amaze me. Here is Snuggles checking it all out. Note the silly little hop he does into the snow from the back porch.

Suffering for Suffrage (The TRUE Shame and Disgrace of Ignorance)

Yesterday I did a satirical post about voting to end women's suffrage ("the right to vote"!) because it's kind of amazing to me how many people, particularly women, don't know anything about suffrage. Get out there and educate yourself! I encourage everyone to watch the film "Iron Jawed Angels." It chronicles the hardship and even prison torture that crusading suffragettes truly suffered during the early 1900's.

Something else that's sad: the fact that apparently none of the cast members of The View know what "suffrage" means.

*jaw drop*

A Sobering Issue

I’ve just been thinking…

How many of you agree that it’s high time that we voted to end women’s suffrage? I mean, it is truly a shame and a disgrace the suffrage that we women have endured for decades.

So… what say you, comrades? Shall we take up this fight and make our voices heard? I'm putting it to a vote. Let me know your thoughts on the issue.

Top Ten Songs I Never Want to Hear EVER Again... Please?

In no particular order:

1. “I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)” by Meat Loaf



2. “You’re Beautiful” – James Blunt



3. “Macarena” by Los Del Rio *



4. “Love Story” by Taylor Swift



5. “Theme from the Greatest American Hero (Believe it or Not)” by Joey Scarbury



6. “Tubthumping” by Chumbawamba



7. “Lips of an Angel” by Hinder



8. “YMCA” – Village People *



9. “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” by The Proclaimers

* Note: having annoying choreography that goes with your song can, in most instances, get you an automatic submission in this category.

Yeah, it's an eclectic list, covering several decades but hey, that's me. I'm eclectic. Eclectic is my middle name. Actually, Cherry is, hence the name of my blog and all that.

I didn't put a number 10, so... what song do you think belongs on this list?

An Open Letter to the White Gumball That Came Out of the Machine

An Open Letter to the White Gumball That Came Out of the Machine

Dear White Gumball:

I didn’t want you. I really wanted the red one. Perhaps even pink or red. Heck, I'd even take orange over you, White Gumball. Please remember this next time so that we can avoid any awkwardness.

Many thanks,

Heather

P.S. Are you by chance related to Greg and Bryant?

I has awardz!

I guess I'm pretty cool cuz I was just given not one but two awards by fellow bloggers, both of whom are freakin' fabulous themselves!

First off, Jules gave me her Homemade Hilarity Seal of Awesomeness Award. Look at this thing. Not only does it have a hand going all, like, "OK" but more importantly it has a rainbow AND a unicorn on it. I mean. Just. Wow!

And then Obladi gave me this lemonade stand thingie, which I guess means... I'm really good at peddling beverages on the side of the road? YEA FOR ME!

The instructions for the lemonade stand award are now as follows:

1. Copy the above logo and put it on blog or post.
2. Nominate at least 10 blogs that show attitude and/or gratitude (those who add sweetness to life and/or inspire you by making lemonade.)
3. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.
4. Let them know they have received this award by commenting on a post.
5. Nominate your favorites and link to this blog.

So, without further ado, here are some of my favoritest bloggies, most of which lean more towards the "attitude" side:

• The Shark Tank: Shawn is so funny he makes me want to punch myself in the face repeatedly. Plus, he likes to write "open letters", too.


• Kitchen Retro and The Virtual Dime Museum: Lidian is a kindred spirit who shares my affinity for vintage ads and ephemera.


• Homemade Hilarity: Aforementioned Julia D. posts horrible crapfts for all to enjoy. And by "enjoy" I mean make fun of.


• Effew Penguin: Fair warning for anyone easily offended by strong language. Indeed, there is a "curse word" right there in the name of the blog. But if you can get past all that, this blog will make you lawl. With the ridiculous concept of telling off cute animals for being so cute, it doesn't get much funnier or ridiculous... er.


• Bite the Apple: Moi's snarky fashion critiques and bully breed advocacy make her one of my faves.


• Jake & Christy: You know I gotta plug my brother and his wife's blog, right?


• J.B. vs. Stuff 3000: Funny stuff.


• BAD RAP Blog and Vick Dog Blog: Pibble rescue involved in a lot of high-profile busts, including the Vick dogs. The Vicktory Dogs themselves blog about their new lives on the VDB.


• Ideas from the Edge: My friend Conan the Barbie is one of the funniest people I know and she's a fantastic writer, too.


• The Troll Report: Chef Troll decides on a theme each week for Mute Monday.

I'd really like to thank all of the little people along the way that made these awards possible. And I'd like to thank the Academy. Wait! Don't play the music yet! I still have people to thank...

You couldn't just give me 5 minutes to change into some jeans and a t-shirt before you carried me off?

Looking at all of that old B-movie art for yesterday’s Mute Monday post, I started noticing that an awful lot of them had something in common. See if you can pick up on the similar visual theme depicted on these sci-fi posters…

And finally, a slight change of pace...

And me in my karate pants. How embarrassing...

For Obladi and Carmen

This post is for a friend and fellow dachshund enthusiast who blogs over at "From 0 to 3 in 90 days" and at "Carmen-Wiener Princess." So if you're not her, you can feel free to bypass this. Then again, if you like doxies, then let me introduce you to my parents' weenie dog Deuce. He's a bit rotund and quite loveable and squeezable and squishable and soft.

This is him when he was a tiny bitty baby.

This is his hotdog bun bed. My mom made it for him!

And here he is, doing what he does best. Basking in a rectangle of window sunshine.

Mute Monday Topic: Space